What's In a Name?


I've noticed that several of the wives who post on SpouseBUZZ, both as authors and as active and much appreciated commenters, have online nicknames for their husbands.

I'm jealous.  And I'm desperately trying to think up a cool name to use for my husband when I write about him.  I've been calling him "Hubby" for about three years now online, and occasionally AirForceGuy, and the cool factor there is approximately that of a thirty-something woman with four children (wait a minute here!  That sounds very familiar!).

Homefront6 calls her husband Macgyver.  That is just too cool for words.  I mean, it takes me back to my childhood, when I believed that there really was a guy named Macgyver who really could save the world from nuclear annihilation using some gum, a bit of spit, and the spring from inside a ballpoint pen.

I would steal the name Macgyver, but it would be a little obvious at this stage. 

Then there's Jack Bauer.  Once again, I'm filled with jealousy.  I mean, really, if my husband's nickname were Jack Bauer, I might never call him by his real name again.  I'd introduce him at SpouseBUZZ Live as "my husband, Jack Bauer."  I'd probably make him put it on his business cards, too.  Maybe it would become a legal name change. 

But Butterfly Wife already calls her husband Jack Bauer.  Sigh.  Another great one, snatched from under my nose.

I have been discussing this whole name angst issue with the marital partner currently known as Hubby for about the last two weeks.  He thinks I'm being ridiculous.

"Sweetie, how about if I call you Elvis?"

"Well, are you thinking of Fat Elvis in Sequins or Skinny Elvis in Germany?"

"Definitely Skinny Elvis."

"That might be okay, as long as I get a cape.  But why can't I just be AirForceGuy?"

"It's not exciting enough.  It doesn't reach out and grab people, like MacGyver or Jack Bauer."

"Being  AirForceGuy is exciting!  And besides, you're airforcewife!  If I'm AirForceGuy, we match.  I just have more capital letters than you do."

"NO!  You must.  Have.  A.  Name."

Despite my initial excitement over being married to Elvis, it just doesn't seem to fit well.  My son, who is four years old and currently demands that I launder his Transformers Underoos every second day so they are always on hand to wear, suggested I refer to my husband as Optimus Prime.  My third daughter thinks hubby should be Mr. Fantastic.  Daughter #2 thinks we should snatch up the name Bruce Lee, but I had to knock that idea down.  Hubby doesn't do that kind of martial arts, he does Krav Maga.  And let's face it, although it is very effective, Hubby's biggest complaint about Krav is that it just doesn't look "neat".  Bruce Lee would not have done Krav Maga.

So I'm stuck, and I'm waiting desperately to be struck by creative lightning. 

At this rate, I truly have to wonder how I managed to name my children before they were five years old!

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