May I have a side order of fries with that humiliation, please?


During summer camp, my youngest daughter made best-good-friends with the daughter of one of the squadron commanders on our base.

They absolutely love each other, and they look so cute together.  They're both tiny, little understated things with cute little pixie voices.

This weekend, my daughter's friend came over for the evening.

As the children were all in the living room, watching Monster House, #3 and her friend chose to share a sleeping bag and some popcorn.  My husband and I were folding laundry in our bedroom, which is right off the living room of our house.

Suddenly, to our mortification, we heard the tiny little munchkin voice of my daughter say, "Did you feel that warm air?  It was my fart."

My husband then vowed never to be seen at staff meetings or in public again for the rest of his natural life. 

My humiliation over this incident was only surpassed by my utter stammering embarrassment when I found out that my then 3 year old son, who was accompanying my eldest daughter on a visit to a friend, peed on the base commander's lawn while they were cavorting in the sprinklers.  Did I mention that the wing commander my husband works for saw the whole thing?  And that there was no doubt whose child it was, as he was wearing a Metallica t-shirt and had his hair done in mohawk?

By now I'm surprised that when we meet new people, they don't say, "Oh, yes!  Air Force Family!  We heard that you like to joke about potty humor and sex all the time!  Yeah, you're not really our kind...  Let's not do a play date."

Why, God, WHY can we not at least have the illusion of being a polite normal family when we meet new people?   Now, before our reputation proceeds us in all quarters?   And, if my children are going to do their darndest to humiliate me in public, can they at least not do so within the chain of command?

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