The Wall


I am reading Homefront 6 post below, and I recall a similar, "feeling".  I will call it "the wall". 

When my DH was deployed for his 18 months.  I had a newborn, and ababy under 2.  Sleep was something that was elusive, as I was nursingan infant, and the other baby hated sleeping.   I think I might have been lucky to get 3 hours in a row on a good night.  No sleep.  Of course, afterI had "The Collective" down for the night, I liked the alone time.  Ihad laundry to do, dishes to wash, news to catch up on.  And frankly itfelt nice hot having any tiny hands on me for just a small bit. 

I never seemed to be "caught up".  It seemed as though I always needed more time, 6 more hours in the day. 

In addition to the lack of sleep, and single parenting, there is theconstant worry.  Actually it seems like it is a continuum of worry.Some days are worry filled, and others are not nearly as bad.  But thatfeeling that we call "anticipatory grief", the "what if" feeling.  Thefear of the phone ringing, the fear of the doorbell ringing, and asedan pulled out side of your home.  Well despite being optimistic, there are days when harm to your loved one  is a "real" and valid concern.

And a deployment does not mean LIFE stops, because it does not.  Some of us are caring for elderly, or sick family, some of us have children that have special physical or emotional needs.  There are those, that have both.  Real life events do not stop when your spouse is deployed. 


I honestly can not tell you how I broke through "the wall".  As it made it's ugly appearance OVER and OVER again, despite my fighting it. 

I recall visits from family helped.  Any change from routine seemed to help.

And I had to recharge frequently, with sleep.  I had to force myself to go to bed early, despite all of the undone chores, and endless lists.  I would drink chamomile tea, and take a hot bath, and make myself go to bed....I would also have to find the most unengaging , boring, and horrible books to read.

Being the spouse of a combat deployed service person, is exhausting......

We all have different circumstances, and lives, and no single one of us, can know what another persons experience is. 

I would like to know, have you ever hit "the wall?"  If so, what sort of ladder did you devise to help yourself over it?

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