I Feel Bloated


"I feel bloated," he said to me.

"Bloated?" I asked.

"Yes, bloated. I'm busting at the seams."

I looked him up and down. "You don't look bloated to me," I insisted. "You're just perfect for your frame."

I am not. I am fat.

You are NOT fat.

I am and it's not good to carry around this extra weight, especially now. Be honest, you know it's true.

I thought about it for a bit and agreed. Indeed he was bloated, and in about three months, the extra weight would make a big difference - in a bad way. There would be problems. It would become a hassle. Summer is coming and changes lie ahead.

I scratched my head and asked myself how I allowed this to happen.

You are to blame.


Yes, you.

It was true. I was to blame. I began feeling guilty and a slight panic set in.

And on top of it all, you just bought a new wardrobe and you know I can't possibly fit in it. How do you think that's going to make me feel when I try to squeeze into the new wardrobe? I will be humiliated.

I scratched my head again and thought for a long while. Maybe I should have bought a larger wardrobe for this summer. He could fit comfortably and feel better about himself. Or, maybe I shouldn't have allowed him to become so fat in the first place, but then that too would have presented problems, he would have been too thin for his current situation.

So, I began working to help him slim down. We've made some visible progress in a very short time. I could tell he was feeling better about himself, and in the process he made some other people very happy.

A few weeks later, I said to him, "you feel better now?"

Ahhhhhhhh, yes. Carrying all that weight around was tough, but now I can breathe easier and I do feel better about myself. Not quite ready for a speedo, but I think I would look respectable in some bermuda shorts.

Unfortunately, you're going to have to fit in a speedo, so you'll have to do some squeezing. But don't worry, I have a plan.

He looked at me warily and sighed, as if to say, "I've seen your plans before, and sometimes they are not executed very well."

Me = Me

He = House/Household Goods

Extra weight = Our household goods

Current situation = Our decent-sized house

Speedo = The small two-bedroom apartment we'll be moving to this summer, for only eleven months...

Happy Persons = The charity that received the purged items

Plan = Most of our household goods will go in storage, and the rest will squeeze into the speedo.

Person left out of this story = My husband who says, "don't buy another thing for the next five years."

Isn't PCSing a hoot? Especially when you move from large to tiny, or vice-versa. I've done both and neither is really fun. Whoa boy, here we go!

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