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Dancing...

Come a little bit closerHear what I have to sayJust like children sleepinWe could dream this night away.

~Neil YoungHarvest Moon

This past week while in Texas, I listened to the new generation's concern .  I looked out and saw young faces.

I remember being that young.  It is a different World now. 

They are the "information generation", these young  and brave spouses.  They get information FAST, some of it accurate, some of it inacurate.  Some of it painful.  The information is NOW.  Sifting must be done FAST.  This is new territory, and they are pioneers.

Desert Storm does not seem so long ago to me, even though it was.  And as I told these ladies about the 3 phonecalls in 9 months, and the fact that there was no e-mail, only snail mail.  Oh, and the snail mail was not always so reliable.  But I still have the letters.  The sweet dusty letters, in DH's hand.  Notes proclaiming his love, and intentions for me.  When I said "3 phonecalls", the attendees looked at me in shock.  Desert Storm does not seem so long ago, but by technology standereds, it may as well be hundreds of years. 

You see alot of or soldiers have access to phones at every second, and some of them use them often. 

We,  have "a dance" after 16 years of marriage.  A dance that is not perfect, but it is ours. 

The information.  Over the years, I have come to learn what I can handle and what I cannot.  SO I sat on the panel, and I listened to the young wife stand up and tell me, she talks to her Husband as much as she can, but sometimes, the information is too immediate, and too much for her.  She mentions a phonecall he makes during a mortor hitting his area.  My mind freezes while listening, and I look out into the crowd.  I see other wives nodding, like "I have had that phonecall". 

I do not want that phonecall. 

I immediately try and process this. 

I have never gotten that call.  I do not want that call.  I think I may go insane, if that call ever comes.  We have a "don't ask, don't tell policy". 

My Daddy used to tell me, "Never ask the question you do not want to hear the answer to".  I have learned to live by that. 

Is this your dance?  Nope, probably not. 

We are all playing differently and making up rules as we go.  Do I want to know what went on while my DH was in Iraq?  Sure, I really want to hear it, all of it.  But this war is not over yet, and I would venture to say he is going again.  Can I sleep at night knowing he is driving, and IED's are going off?  Yes.  I can.  I know what happens in Iraq. I keep myself informed.  I admire all of our soldiers that put theur lives on the line daily for us.  However, I am not sure if I am ready, or if I will ever be ready to hear THE STORY that proves our luck. 

But our dance is our dance.  He has great military support around him, he is involved at his Chapel.  There is a price I pay and the cost is a bit of guilt I carry for not being quite ready for "his stories".  I feel weak. Like I have let him down in a way.  But, it evens out.  He too has his own guilt, missing time, missing Birthday's anniversaries....he too has his own guilt.  And I do not think either of us would ever use it to hurt one another. 

And somehow this dance of ours, after almost 16 years, it is smoother than it was 10 years ago.  We try and carry one anothers weight when the other is tired.  We take turns leading one another, when  the other is too tired.  Maybe we should learn a new dance, but for now, I like this one.  It is easy for us, and we know the steps, we know when to back off, and when to lead. 

So my question to our readers...

How are you handling information, and communication, now that it is so easy?  What are your bounderies?  Are you happy with the boundries?

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