For Better or Worse for the wear...


MistakesIt's not so easy to find out laterAbout the necessary knowledge for survival,You think youknow enough to get you through lifeBut find out too lateof chances passed by.~Maddness

So I have added up 33 months of deployments, in our 16 years of marriage.  This does not include schools, TDY, PLDC, OCS, drill weekends, shooting events and competitions, time spent at Camp Perry. 

33 months of deployments. 

All of them different. 

I have made mistakes.   I also think I learned from them, this last round. 

You see I am the poster girl for "I am Fine" .  You know the type.  I am fine.  Yes, that was how I began most every sentence.  At least in my head. 

I was 7 months pregnant when DH left the "last time", and had a 22 month old as well.   So I was so caught up in learning about my children and myself in this new role as Mother. (We had waited 10 years to try this parenthood thing out) It was a difficult transition for me.  Oh, and the last time was the longest of all deployments. 

So I made some mistakes, I am unsure if it was the sleep deprivation or my own  pride, but I did make some mistakes. 

I never asked for help.  I never refused help, but I never sought help. 

I had a hard time relinquishing what little control I had left.

So I managed mostly alone.....

I would not recommend that to anyone. 

It also seemed when I tried to empower myself by seeking help.  My "grand plan" would fail. 

For example.  I hired a cleaning service to come to the house 1 day every 2 weeks, to do the big stuff, toilets, tubs, ceiling fans, dusting etc.  I fired her after her second visit.  Why?  Because she did not clean like I cleaned.  She also did not follow my time schedule, which unnerved me.   I ended up feeling  her effort was not worth the money.  I never did replace her.   

I also tried a Mothers Day Out program for the 22 month old (who HAS napped 3 hours since birth).  I thought that this would give me and the new baby time to bond, nap, hey I could run errands without a newborne AND a 22 month old.  Well it worked for about  2- 3 months, and I got tired of every germ and virus being brought into my home, and spending all of my "spare" time at the Dr. diagnosing the newborne with RSV (twice).  Oh, and I might mention   the 8 days I fought the nasty and popular rotovirus.  (essentially a virus that makes tiny toddlers and babies vomit and poop, until Mom is insane)  ICK...8 days. 

What did I learn from all of this?  When people ask for help, take them up on it.  I sooo should have kept that cleaning lady.  I also should have hired someone to come into the home and watch "The Collective" better known as my children.  I would have taken more photos for Dear Husband, and sent more snail mail.  I would have NEVER felt guilty about pajama days, or macaroni and cheese nights. 

I am guessing, we will have to do this again.  The lessons, might not be good for the next round.  However, I will be a little less hard on myself.   I promise....

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