Dear Ms. Vicki,
My Navy boyfriend is very moody and irritable when I am not with him. He is stationed in the Norfolk area, and I live in Richmond.
He expects me to be on the road and on demand for his every call. In the six months that we have been dating, I have put more than 15,000 miles on the car that my dad purchased for me to be able to get back and forth to school.
I'm a junior at Virginia Commonwealth University, and my boyfriend doesn't understand that either. One time, he came up to Richmond to meet my family and he sulked the entire weekend because he said I didn't spend enough time with him. When he met a few of my closest friends, he was quiet and sullen and it was obvious that he didn't want to be around them, so we left. He later told me that I talked to my friends more than I talked to him. I cannot stress how angry he made my friends.
When I go to visit him, he wants to stay inside and lie around in bed the entire time I am with him, instead of going out having fun. I'm supposed to be at his apartment on Friday by 5 p.m. waiting for him to get home from his ship around 5:15. Do you think he will ever change?
-- Irritable and Moody Boyfriend
Dear Boyfriend,
It sounds like you and your boyfriend are on two separate ships passing in the night. If you keep trying to put these two ships together, you will end up with a terrible collision instead of happily ever after.
You have to understand that his behavior is a sign of what your future will be like with him. It is time to let this relationship go.
Stop calling him or responding to his calls and text messages. Don't respond to him on any social network. As a matter of fact, block him so he cannot contact you.
Listen, there are so many women who have walked in your shoes, including me. We leave home for college, and we have more freedom than we ever had. We have cars and boyfriends, and our boyfriends have cars and apartments.
Some boyfriends have military careers and their own apartment because they are earning money. This would make him a little more attractive because he is not like the usual college guy on campus.
What you have to understand is: If you give a dance, you have to pay the band. In other words, there are consequences to our behavior. These are consequences you may not want to handle. For example, an unwanted pregnancy or failing out of college because you are spending too much time in Norfolk instead of studying.
You are also giving up a lot of your freedom to hang out with him. This is time you will never get back.
Bottom line, there are red flags blinking all over your Navy boyfriend. He is very controlling. The next thing you know, he will be stalking you and even putting his hands on you.
I think you should leave him alone, immediately. Let me know what you decide to do.
-- Ms. Vicki
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