Dear Ms. Vicki,
I'm dating a girl who is so negative. I call her Negative Nancy. She finds something negative to focus on, no matter what.
We have been dating for about 18 months, and this is my second holiday season with her. I love the upcoming holiday season because it makes me focus on the new year. I really don't know if I want to enter 2017 with her because I'm on cloud nine about my life, but I know she carries a pin around with her just waiting to bust my balloon.
For example, I just finished my business degree. She said it should have been an MBA and not a bachelor's degree. I got promoted to E-5 this year, and she said I need to hurry up and get promoted to E6. My friend has a beautiful baby girl and, if you can believe this, my girlfriend actually said the child has something wrong with her!
My friends and my mom talk about how negative my girlfriend is. She has this way of talking to my mom as if she's a lot smarter than my mom, when she isn't.
Nothing is ever good enough for her. There is always something wrong with her and everyone else. Something is always about to happen to keep her from having a good time.
I can't take her pessimism and negative outlook. Can I have a happy prosperous future if I commit to Negative Nancy?
-- Tired of the Negativity
Dear Tired,
I'm wondering what in the world attracted you to Negative Nancy in the first place! I mean, you have to ask yourself: Why you are in this relationship if you haven't been happy for a long time? Did you think she would change? Were you supposed to make her happy and she would become a positive person and a joy?
The truth is, she's not only a negative person but, from your report, she is also very cynical, disrespectful and she uses a lot of put-downs. You said it yourself, your rank is not high enough, she thinks she's smarter than everyone else, etc.
How can you have a positive future with someone like this? Trust me, you won't. Your Negative Nancy will isolate you from your family and friends because no one will want to be around her. In the end, you will be sad and miserable.
Lots of men and women come to my office because they are depressed. They have all of the symptoms of depression. Aafter a few sessions, they realize they are unhappy in their relationships. Many report they knew they should not have married or started a relationship with their partner, but they ignored what their gut was telling them. This doesn't have to be you.
I can't tell you to break up with her or how to end the relationship, but I will say that you should put the brakes on this relationship. Don't move any further with her.
Thank you for writing me. Keep in touch.
-- Ms. Vicki
