Mother-in-Law Thinks Her Son is Too Good for His Wife

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Ms. Vicki
Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

My son has always been the type who would pick up a stray dog off the streets and give it a home. I guess this quality has followed him into his relationships too. Ms. Vicki, this girl is from the other side of the tracks. Her family is awful and she is too. She has done a lot of horrible things in her young life. She and her family plotted to get my son to marry her by saying she was pregnant. He succumbed to the pressure.

Now they have been married for over two years and there has been no baby yet. My son was deployed to Iraq. I was told that her mother was telling people, “My daughter is going to be rich if something happens to (fill in the blank)”.

Ms. Vicki, this has torn our family apart. My husband and I have done a wonderful job raising our children. All of my children have college degrees and have worked hard to earn good incomes. My son is an officer in the Army, and I know that this woman is going to cause a lot of problems for him in his career.

We are all afraid that he will be judged harshly because of her and could lose his career. My husband was a career officer too. I know how people look at officers' wives. We have to have it together at all costs. She just won’t fit in. Ms. Vicki, I can’t seem to get over this, do you think I need professional help? I just don’t want to lose my son.

Sincerely, My Son Is Just Too Good For Her

Dear Too Good for Her,

You really seem to have your nose in the air in a very haughty and arrogant way. I’m not sure what makes you better. Is it the fact that your husband was an officer? That all of your children have college degrees? That your son is now an officer? What gives you the right to be so critical and condescending?

OK, you did a great job raising your children. Good for you. Many people are doing exactly what you’ve done. Listen, Good: Don’t be too good for your own good. It sounds like your son chose a young woman with a sordid past, and a family with issues. Here’s the deal: it’s his choice, not yours and not mine.

If you continue with your actions, you are going to alienate your son from you and his family. This would be devastating to you and everyone. I suggest you start letting your precious guards down, and start being nice to your daughter-in-law.

One day your son may think, “Wow, I really made a mistake." On the other hand, your daughter-in-law could very well turn out to be a godsend. I once knew an older woman who was very mean and spiteful to a daughter-in-law she just could not accept. This daughter-in-law became the one who took care of her on her deathbed as she had terminal cancer. She had to apologize to her in the end. Don’t let this be you. If you need counseling, I will send you some resources to find one. Bottom line, in my opinion you have got to move on. And you should be happy she wasn’t really pregnant.

Sincerely, Ms. Vicki

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