Ask Ms. Vicki: Military Spouse's Relationship Not Improving


Dear Ms. Vicki,

I emailed you before asking on advice on my abusing, cheating wife. Anyhow, I left everything -- three jobs, school and my own apartment -- to move to her permanent duty station to come find out she doesn't want anything to do with me even though she asked me to work our marriage out.

The reason she asked me to move was because she had made a bet with her shipmate. Other things have surfaced since I moved ...she is being investigated for fraternization among other things. She has been cheating on me with two of her shipmates, both of which are girls, one of whom is also married, and another man too.

She tried to charge me rent for staying at the house that the BAH was paying for. Since I didn't feel like giving her a cent she took back the house, leaving me pretty much homeless. We have been married for two years and to this day she hasn't helped me with anything and she is collecting BAH and living in the barracks.

I emailed her CMC and I understand they can't really do anything but she found out that I made the call and she threatened to kill me! My two friends who are NCOs in the army told me to go to Legal and report her. Do you think Legal in base could really do anything?

Thank you so much in advance and I'm sorry for bothering you but I really don't know what else to do -- I want a divorce but she's taking her sweet time because of the BAH.


Disrespected Husband

Dear Husband,

Yes, I remember you. I was hoping things were working out between you and your wife.

Listen, I'm concerned about you and the threats your wife is making. I think you should go the Fleet and Family Services on base and speak to one of the counselors/social workers. You could even speak to a victims advocate too. These professionals will offer you guidance, resources and support. Moreover, they can let you know what actions you need to take.

Yes, Legal can help too. You can also make an appointment to see them, or most legal offices have walk-in appointments. Women can be abusive. Most men suffer in silence because they are embarrassed and in denial about what is going on. It doesn't sound like your wife is vested in this marriage. For this reason, I think it's time for you to make some decisions about a better life and future for yourself.

Please let me know that you are okay, and what you decide to do.


Ms. Vicki

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