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Sunday Funny: the Dependopatamus

Urinegate didn't seem to spark much in the way of a laugh, and fair enough. I thought about posting the video of the young troop caught on video immediately after masturbating with Icy Hot, but then I saw this...and I knew this was IT.

Recorded in Afghanistan, based on the the Terminal Lance comic strip #56 "Myths and Legends II: Dependapotamus".

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The dependapotamus is out grazing at Burger King and nothing can stop her. She doesn’t care about you, herself, or anything. She scarfs down another Whopper. She’s still your wife, but she’s fat as hell now… eating up your wallet. Along with your self respect when you’re seen with this cow. If there’s a pizza, she will maul it.

She’s a dependapotamus and she’s living on your buck now. She’s not the girl you thought you knew and she’s fat as fuck now. She’s a dependapotamSous. Unfortunately she’s your wife. She’s eaten your cash, your food, your pride. And makes you want to end your life.

You’re deployed and she knows all about your extra pay, but makes no effort in the relationship. She’s read up on everything you get from the V.A. She thinks she’s entitled to all of it. You’re in the Stan and she’s sitting at home eating mayonnaise and expanding her waistline. You’re getting shot at. IEDs are blowing up always. She hits the drive through a second time.

She’s a dependapotamus and she’s living on your buck now. She’s not the girl you thought you knew and she’s fat as fuck now. She’s a dependapotamus. Unfortunately she’s your wife. She’s eaten your cash, your food, your pride. And makes you want to end your life.

She sits around socializing with the rest of her kind… gossiping about other wives. They go shopping with your bank card but their sizes are hard to find. Nothing fits their flabby, cottage cheese, varicose vein, acne covered, pus-oozing thighs… Have another FUCKING CHEESEBURGER!

When I see your fat fucking face it fills my heart with rage and this lame bullshit is done. I’m coming home and I’m about to turn the fucking page and you’re not on the next one.

She’s a dependapotamus and she’s done living on my buck now. She’s not the girl I thought I knew and she’s fat as fuck now. She’s a dependapotamus. And she’s no longer my wife. She’s eaten my cash, my food, my pride. But she can enjoy the rest of her life

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