This article by Paul Szoldra originally appeared on Task & Purpose, a digital news and culture publication dedicated to military and veterans issues.
When I look at the above photo, first posted by Marine Corps Recruit Depot San Diego on Tuesday, I imagine this is the conversation that played out:
Hey mom, I’m at boot camp safe. Can you send me some black cats, Roman Candles, or screaming mimis?
Yeah, and throw in some lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, crap flappers, whistlin’ bungholes, spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker don’ts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, and at least one whistlin’ kitty chaser.
Love you. I’ll write soon.
It was probably something different, but I’ve got to believe.
The photo went viral, for obvious reasons: The most prominent recruit featured is wearing a mullet haircut and a Budweiser t-shirt. He showed up to boot camp ready to f*****g party.
As is customary, shortly after this photo was taken, he and the other recruits were taken to the barber shop where their long flowing locks were last seen being swept into a massive hair pile on the floor. Which is goddamn sad, because that mullet is absolutely glorious.
Besides the photo in question, the comments on the MCRD’s Facebook post are gold. They include:
“I’d like to think he skipped the bus ride to MCRD and pulled up burnin rubber in his El Camino with Marlboro smoke pouring out the windows jamming to Skynard before he stepped out then shotgunned a Budweiser.”
“He signed the papers in 1990 and made it to Bootcamp in 2018.”
“When he tried to speak into the phone, the only thing that came out was the majestic sound of the bald eagle. Copenhagen snuff dribbles into the phone, as he runs his fingers through his long, flowing mullet for the last time for the next few years.”
Thank you for your service, Mullet Man. I wish you all the best of luck on your transformation into Mullet Marine.
Paul Szoldra is a columnist for Task & Purpose. His past bylines include Business Insider, We Are The Mighty, and Duffel Blog, which he founded in 2012. He served as a Marine infantryman in Afghanistan. Follow Paul Szoldra on Twitter @paulszoldra Email firstname.lastname@example.org
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