They read IDs at the base gate checkpoint so they can keep out the felons, but who's making sure the javelinas aren't destroying your stuff?
No one, that's who. Military bases are often home to a lot of surprising and, sometimes, terrifying wildlife. Here's our list of the top 10 bases with the craziest critters big and small.
Texas Parks & Wildlife
The javelinas, which look like a wild pig and roam in herds, will destroy anything you leave on your porch, scorpions will be regularly spotted in your quarters and watch out for the one or two only wild jaguars in the U.S., spotted roaming the mountains behind housing.
Hope you’re not afraid of tarantulas. They’re hard to spot on the road at night, but you’ll feel them crunch as you run over them with your car. Rattlesnakes, camel spiders, and feral cats are also plentiful.
Don’t worry about the Mojave Rattlesnakes. The housing company will send you location information so you can steer clear of any snake nests they’ve found. What about the ones they haven’t found? Some residents suggest carrying a tourniquet on your run, just in case.
If this one doesn’t terrify you, nothing will. So invasive and plentiful are the brown tree snakes on Guam that the U.S. parachuted Tylenol-stuffed dead mice on to Andersen Air Force Base to bait and kill them. Yes, airborne mice. Airborne, All the way!
Kite birds seem pretty innocent – until they dive bomb your head as you walk outside. Base officials’ solution? Carry a tennis racket to protect yourself. Just add that to your gear right next to your PT belt. No big deal.
Bureau of Land Management
You may think wild horses are nice, but they’re a real problem out at Fort Polk. They get in the way of large-scale exercises – which is the post’s primary purpose.
The Army’s other major war exercise post, Fort Irwin, is home to wild burros, which roam the in packs and can cause traffic jams – as well as get in the way of training.
Did you know black widow spiders, like the ones at Nellis, can play dead? They are known to hang out by the trash cans around housing. As soon as you smash one flat and turn your back to find something to get rid of it with, it has fled the scene. Awesome.
Or maybe just all of Florida. It’s hard to pick just one Florida animal that’s the most worrisome. Gators? Fire ants? Puss caterpillar? Florida man? You decide.
"Sir, I'm going to be late to formation this morning. No, Sir, I was not drinking. There's a mama moose and two babies blocking my car door." Filed under: totally plausible reason to be late.