Under the Radar

10 Weak Excuses for Not Joining the Military

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Whether you’re a veteran or still actively serving, you know that conversations with civilians can sometimes lead to the phrase, “I would have joined, but…” The prestige of service with the U.S. military can have strange, albeit predictable, effects on civilians including a need to explain why they never joined. Whether they feel like they needed to prove something to themselves or are simply intimidated by veterans and service members, excuses from those who offer them unprovoked can range from weak to hilarious. Here are the top ten collected from soldiers online.

Have you heard a weak excuse of your own? Sound off in the comments below!

pushups

  • “I almost enlisted but I heard they make you do push-ups everyday at basic.”
  • “I don’t think I could stand being told what to do all the time.”
  • “I almost joined the Marine Corps but I kind of didn’t want to die.”
 drillinstructor
  • “I couldn’t have the drill sergeants get in my face. If they yelled at me I’d probably punch them.”
  • “I didn’t want to have to cut my dreads.”
  • “My girlfriend freaked out and started going on about how she’d leave me because the military is basically a bunch of murderers and losers.”
 toughbasic
  • “I wanted to enlist in the Marines, but my mom wouldn’t let me.” 
  • “I almost enlisted but then the first Gulf War started; f**k that shit.”
education
  • “I talked to a recruiter once and he said I had too much potential to waste my life away in the military.”
  • “I went to basic but got PTSD in the first week, so I had to quit.”
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