"This man (Osama) and myself, we share an equal camaraderie. I'm on dialysis also."
After nearly a decade of failure by the US military, average American Gary Faulkner goes on The View to reveal why he's the man who's finally going to take out Osama bin-Laden.
On CBS' The Early Show, Faulkner described himself as a "thief" and a "booster" and compared his planned capture to a bank robbery. Plus he's got some secret partners that he won't be able to reveal until they take out the al-Qaeda leader.
On the Late Show with David Letterman, Faulkner revealed his advanced planning techniques and how it's cool with the locals when he calls them "Pakis." In less than a week, Faulkner's gone from to the kind of guy who's either going to get one of those Bud Light "Real Men of Genius" radio ads ("Here's to you, Mr. Terrorist Leader Taker-Outer") or will end up co-starring with Lindsay Lohan on the next series of Celebrity Rehab.