The zombies are coming… how are you going to defend yourself? Maybe you have a home arsenal that would give The Punisher goose bumps, but are you sure you’re going to be home when it all hits the fan? The truth is, you have no idea where you’re going to be, and if you’re at, say, Dairy Queen, you won’t find the same variety of long guns that you will in your basement armory. So what kind of expedient do you reach for?
The answer is an everyday hand tool that penetrates. Penetration is key to weapon lethality, a fact corroborated by everyone from medieval swordsmen to the scientists behind contemporary wound ballistics. To kill a zombie, you have to disrupt his brain, and that means punching through his skull, a task that is more difficult than you might imagine. So when you hear helicopters and screams, and you see the cast of Thriller shambling around the strip mall parking lot, go wherever tools are kept (e.g. a storage closet or utility hall) and find an implement that you think could punch through a household hollow core door. That amount of penetration should be more than enough to take care of your flesh-eating friends.
Check out this video from J.D. McGhoul, a zombie who offers additional insight on hand weapons:
Pat Kilbane is best known for his three-year run on Fox's Mad TV, though many remember him for his role as the “anti-Kramer” in the Superman-themed Seinfeld episode “The Bizarro Jerry.” He has appeared in sci-fi films such as Evolution, Meet Dave, and Day of the Dead, and had a multi-year contract with Dreamworks developing science fiction concepts for television. More recently, Kilbane wrote The Brain Eater’s Bible, a fully illustrated zombie field manual available in hardcover on Amazon, and for the iPad in the iTunes store.