So You Want to be Taliban, Huh?

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Here are Mullah Mohammed Omar’s La’iha (laws) for those of you in the DT audience ready for a rewarding career in the Taliban:


  • - MMO is the supreme leader of the Taliban, or “Emir al Mu’manin” (“Leader of the Faithful”).

  • - Taliban will constructively engage tribal leaders and seek to offer support to the local population.

  • - Commanders should, when possible, be reassigned to their ancestral tribal areas.

  • - Captured enemy personnel will be taken to provincial commanders immediately.

  • - Spies cannot be executed without due process, which is also clearly defined.

  • - No Taliban will take bribes.

  • - No Taliban will steal.

  • - No Taliban will kidnap for ransom inside Afghanistan.

  • - No Taliban will use torture on captured persons.

  • - No mutilation, even of corpses.

  • - There will be no more beheadings, only firing squads.

  • - No executions will be videotaped.

  • - No suicide attack will be conducted unless approved by a higher authority.


- Any former government official seeking to join the Taliban must kill or capture a high-ranking enemy to prove himself loyal.

- Captured enemy money and items must be distributed fairly, not kept for personal gain.

- Provincial authorities will be established, creating standardized legal, political, and military structures.

- No smoking.

(As seen on the wall of the tactical operations center at Forward Operating Base Rushmore, Paktika Province, Afghanistan.)

-- Ward Carroll

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