Weed, 550 Chord and a Hoarder


My grandmother always found creative solutions to a problem. Ordinarily, I stood in awe of her ability to turn a mason jar into a beautiful home decor piece or make a thrift store find look like something in an Ethan Allen showroom. But there was this one day when my awe gave way to horror. My grandfather was dying of cancer and she wanted to do everything in her power to make him comfortable.  But on this day, her creativity would go too far.

Grandmother: I need to get some marijuana.

Me: Wha????

Grandmother: You know, to sprinkle in some food.

Me: Wha????

Grandmother: And I know exactly where I will get it.

Me: Wha????

Grandmother: The Sheriff's Office

Me: Wha???? The Sheriff's Office, Grandma?

Grandmother: Sure, that's where they store all the confiscated drugs, right?

Yeah, great idea. Maybe they'll have a special on illegal, confiscated items and we'll score some brass knuckles and an uzi while we're at it....

At this point, many things were running through my mind. Of all the things an 18 year-old wants to discuss with her grandmother, marijuana is low, low, low on the list. I may have been young, but I was pretty confident that nothing good could come from traipsing into the Sheriff's office and requesting marijuana. Nothing at all. As misguided as this solution was, I had to admit it was creative. Creative, and disturbing.

I got the creative gene, and it's served me well. Like last weekend when I was stringing garland outdoors. I had a little problem and like my grandmother, I knew immediately where I would go for the solution. Straight to the garage to grab the 550 Chord. My better half saw this and asked what I was doing with the 550 chord. After I explained I would use it to tie the garland to the bannister, he asked me to bring him the scissors so he could show me "a trick."

My husband snipped a piece of chord off and stripped the top layer back. Out popped about six stands of string. I've used 550 chord on many occasions, but never thought to pull the guts out and use the interior string. I quickly agreed that this was useful information. Information I would put to use on another occasion, but not this one.  I thought it best to use intact sections of the chord given that the garland is green and the chord is, too.

But no. That would not do.

The husband insisted I use his method because I could get seven usable strands out of one. I'm all for conservation, but I liked the color match and I really didn't think conservation was an issue. I mean, seriously. We have more 550 Chord in our garage than the sky has stars. Not.Kidding. And I know I'm not the only one.

My husband looked stricken that I would even consider wasting two feet of his beloved chord. You simply have to choose your battles and I wasn't prepared to argue over 550 chord. I relented. He won.

Our leftover 550 Chord will be around in 8044. My great, great, great, great, grand nephew will find it in a trunk one day and wonder what in the world we could have possibly done with this useless stuff. And so much of it, too? He will then toss it in the trash.

My husband will roll over in his grave.

Multiple Times.

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