SpouseBuzz

"If..."

Out of the blue, DH asked me the other night, "If I died, would you get remarried?"

I sat thoughtfully for a moment, wondering why he was asking me this.

Me: "I don't know. It would be the last thing on my mind for a long time."

DH: "Well, could you picture yourself getting married again? If I died?"

Again, I thought about this (not something I often sit around considering).

Me: "I really don't know. What brought this to your mind?"

Turns out DH had been listening to Jeff Foxworthy on the radio and he was doing a "bit" about this conversation with his wife. Good old DH - asking serious questions as a result of listening to comedy bits on the radio.

This conversation reminded me of the not-so-fun, but definitely necessary, conversation DH and I had before he deployed to Iraq in 2005.

It was a few months before his deployment. Late one night, while lying in bed, we started talking about "What If." It was hard to imagine or even THINK about him not returning. I fought back tears throughout the conversation and prayed that none of what we were talking about would ever happen.

I told my husband my "plan" would be to move closer to my family because they live near an Army post.

He had a few wishes of his own:

1. He would keep his wedding band at home for me to give to our son when he marries.

2. IF I ever got remarried, he wanted our children to keep his last name.

3. He wanted me to keep his rank, patches, etc. for our children. Not just to pass along to them, but just in case either one of them ever joined the Army.

4. He wanted me to be happy and move on with my life.

That was it. Of all the things he could've said, those were the most important things to him.

After having that conversation, I reflected on it now and then while he was deployed. I was determined to make sure his wishes were granted, if he didn't come home.

Fortunately, DH came home.

Did you and your spouse/significant other have a conversation like this? Or are you approaching your first deployment and actively avoiding this conversation (I would've procrastinated forever... but I am SO glad that we finally had "the conversation." Share your stories.

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