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Vicki: Stop Looking for a Man to Rescue You

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I have been dating a guy I met on the internet for six months. We have never met in person. There was a time when we almost met up, but a work thing came up for him. He said he was summoned and could not get out of it, and he sent me a message the next day telling me he was very sorry.

He says he is in the Air Force. I know that online dating can be very dangerous and that I need to meet him in a public place when I meet him and have someone with me when I do.

The other thing is that I live with my kids' dad. He is not good to me and the kids at all, and I am not in love with him anymore and have not been for a long time.

I have an application in to get my own apartment, but I haven't heard anything yet. I am just really ready to get out of here and away from my kids' dad.

This guy I met online and I are so happy. We have a lot in common, and he wants to marry me. He says he already thinks of my kids as his, and he also has a daughter of his own.

Right now, I am trying to get him out of the military. He was told that I would have to pay do that, so that is what I have been doing. He said he won't be released and able to come meet me until this fine to get him out of the military is paid.

I did, however, call the base where he is supposed to be stationed to try to get some answers just to make sure I was not being scammed.

-- Confused in Kentucky

Dear Kentucky,

You definitely deserve someone to love you and your children. You deserve the best!

It sounds like you are in a bad place right now, living with a man you don't love. Moreover, you are trying to survive. I notice that you are trying to find another man who can fill a void, a knight in shining armor who will rescue and save you.

The truth is that YOU have to be that person for yourself and your children. Your focus should be on finding a career, finding your own place and creating a network of support for you and your children. If you keep looking for "another man," that true happiness will never happen.

I say this because this internet guy does not exist. This is a huge SCAM. These people, whoever they are, operate like a machine.

In other words, he or she is working on many women at the same time to get money. It is an outright lie that he needs to pay anyone to get released from the U.S. military. That's not how it works.

Don't pass go. Please, for your own safety and your children's, stop all communication with this person and don't send another dime.

-- Ms. Vicki

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Ms. Vicki, a native of Dallas, has been the ‘Dear Abby’ for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her column has appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Ms. Vicki has retired from writing new columns for Although Ms. Vicki is no longer offering new advice on, you can still email military benefits questions to our Questions and Benefits team. Need military spouse career help? Email our Dear Career writers.