Soldier Doesn't Want Me Now That I'm Pregnant

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I'm pregnant with a soldier’s baby. Honestly, I didn't want this to happen. Now that it did, I'm very excited to be a mom.

There are three issues:

1. I am only 18.

2. He won't talk to me.

3. He said he's been deployed, but I know he's not.

Honestly, I don't want anything from him during the pregnancy but maybe some information on medical history so I can make sure to note anything to my doctor that she may need to know. I have asked him several times just for this information with no reply.

When I first told him about the pregnancy, he kept insisting that I needed to get an abortion. It wasn't until after I made it clear that I would not get one that he started insisting on adoption.

I told him I would think about it, but even if I did go through the adoption process, I still want a healthy baby. I want to know if there is any way that I can get someone to give the information to my doctor that she needs.

Sincerely,
Mommy to Be

Dear Mommy,

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I wish you and your new baby the best. It sounds like your soldier doesn’t want to have anything to do with you, the pregnancy or the baby when it is born. For that, I am truly sorry.

I think you are expecting something from this soldier that you will never receive -- things like respect, support and answers to your well-warranted questions.

He is avoiding you like the plague. He is telling you is that he does not want to be connected with you in any way, especially since you idn’t take his recommendations to terminate the pregnancy or put the baby up for adoption.

You didn’t ask me for all of this, and I’m not blaming you or beating you up in any way, but it is very important to me that you should choose not to get pregnant with another soldier or anyone else who is not committed to you and your happiness.

When your baby is born, you will be a single mother. Here’s the deal: You will be a great mother. You need to empower yourself educationally and occupationally so that you can support yourself and your child.

The father of your child is the only one who can give you the information you are looking for. His family members might help if you know who they are. In the meantime, continue with good prenatal care and take care of you and the baby.

After you give birth, you should prove paternity so that he will have to give financial support. Hopefully, he will want to be supportive in other ways too.

Again, I’m not trying to come down hard on you, but it’s very important that you use this situation to build better options for you and your child.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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About

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, is married to an active-duty Soldier and has three sons. She has a Master's of Science in Social Work from the University of Louisville, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and currently works as a therapist with military servicemembers and their families. She provides services for a wide array of concerns such as combat stress, PTSD, couples and marital problems, depression, grief and loss, stress and coping.

Ms. Vicki also writes an advice column "Dear Ms. Vicki" that appears in the Washington Times, the Fort Campbell Courier and the Heidelberg Herald Post. Ms. Vicki also hosts an internet radio show and blogs on her community site with the Washington Times. If you want to ask Ms. Vicki for advice about your military life, please email her at AskMsVicki@military-inc.com.

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