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Side Girl Knows What Ms. Vicki Will Say But Asks Anyway

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I have a question, and I know you are the only one who is gutsy enough to give me a good answer.

So I met the man of my dreams about six months ago. He's a married Army captain and everything is great. From reading a lot of your archived posts, I know you are not good with adultery and cheating, but I'm wondering where you think we are going from here.

We were together a lot during the holidays, but he doesn't want to talk about where he is with his divorce or when it will be final. I even met his soon to be ex-wife and they were very chummy or, should I say, they appeared to be quite intimate in the way they looked at each other and spoke.

It's hard for me to think they are really over. Of course, I kept my feelings to myself. Supposedly, she has moved on with her new beau too. Thankfully, they never had any children together in their three years of marriage.

I'm wondering what his intentions are for me and where are we going, exactly? How can I bring up conversation about his divorce? I'm 28-years-old, and I want to be married with children soon. If this is not going in a direction that makes me comfortable, I want to make sure I walk out now instead of wasting my time. I appreciate any advice you can give me.

Sincerely,
The Army Captain's Intentions

Dear Army,

Girl Boo! Bye!

You are too funny, and for real you are coming off a little too dramatic for me. Think about it: You're a fully grown 28-year-old woman who is dating a married man. Then you write to me saying, "I know you [meaning me] won't approve," but you want my opinion about what your married captain boyfriend's intentions are for you.

This is funny because you know there are two paramount concerns right off top. One, he is a married man. Two, he is still very connected to his wife.

From your report, they still look like they are intimately connected. So what's in it for you? Nothing.

Today, you'll find that many couples "take a break." During this break, each person is able to date, sleep with or whatever. I find that married couples do the same.

My guess is that the captain is on a break. He will soon tell you that he decided to give his marriage another try and there will be nothing you can do besides cry in the dark. My quick advice would be for you to disconnect from this guy. The sooner, the better.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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