Dear Ms. Vicki,
I met the man of my dreams -- a Soldier who is my soul mate. We had a whirlwind romance that blew my mind. He wined and dined me every night. I even had one of his credit cards from the word go.
I left my job in Washington to live with him. Everyone in my family thought I had lost my mind and my parents even stopped speaking to me.
Now that my boyfriend, Mr. Right, is deployed, I just found out that I’m three months pregnant. He wants out saying this is not what he wanted. He’s been gone less than a month and I’m 100 percent sure this baby belongs to him because I haven't been with another man since I met him.
He said he doesn’t love me like that. What in the world does that mean? He’s treated me like a queen and he’s saying he doesn’t love me like that?
Ms. Vicki, I can’t go back to Washington and put this burden on my family. I left my job, my friends, and everything for this man. Won’t the Army make him take care of my baby?
I hear that the Army takes care of these children and send them money on a monthly basis. You are a military spouse, Ms. Vicki, so please tell me about the benefits I can get and when do you think I need to let his unit know how he’s treated me.
Crazy in Love
Dear Crazy in Love,
I love it when girlfriends and fiancees of military members write and ask me about their benefits. Allow me to be honest: you don’t get anything. There are no benefits for girlfriends and fiancées.
Listen, your soldier wined and dined you and from your report he impregnated you. That’s all you get for now.
There is no reason for you to involve his unit or contact his commanders. After all, it’s your side of the story and there is his side, too. Who is to say that he is in fact the father of your child?
You will have to prove paternity. Then the soldier is liable for child support. Hopefully he will stay in the child’s life and not only support him/her emotionally, too.
Right now, if you feel that he personally owes you anything because you moved and left your job etc., then you will have to take him to court to recoup money that you believe he owes you. In my opinion this is not a military issue. This is about some choices you made.
Now I’m not blaming you and I’m not saying that you deserve this, but I am saying you are a grown woman and it’s time to “woman up” to your decisions.
You have to be honest with yourself because you are not an 18-year-old anymore, you are a grown woman. With age comes wisdom and good judgment, or at least it should.
You were caught up -- caught up in a credit card, a whirlwind romance, and rank. You may act like you didn’t understand rank, but the rank you emailed me is a lot of rank by military standards.
Now you have discovered that rank does not equate to character. Yes, I think you should go back to Washington and hopefully you will have the support of your family and friends in this difficult time.
Try to get your old job back and don’t rush into any more relationships. I hope the best for you. Take care of yourself and your child.
|Ask Ms. Vicki|
Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, is married to an active-duty Soldier and has three sons. She has a Master's of Science in Social Work from the University of Louisville, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and currently works as a therapist with military servicemembers and their families. She provides services for a wide array of concerns such as combat stress, PTSD, couples and marital problems, depression, grief and loss, stress and coping.
Ms. Vicki also writes an advice column "Dear Ms. Vicki" that appears in the Washington Times, the Fort Campbell Courier and the Heidelberg Herald Post. Ms. Vicki also hosts an internet radio show and blogs on her community site with the Washington Times. If you want to ask Ms. Vicki for advice about your military life, please email her at AskMsVicki@military-inc.com.