Pregnant but Soldier Boyfriend Wants Out
Dear Ms. Vicki,
I met the man of my dreams -- a soldier who is my soul mate. We had a whirlwind romance that blew my mind. He wined and dined me every night. I even had one of his credit cards from the word go.
I left my job in Washington to live with him. Everyone in my family thought I had lost my mind, and my parents even stopped speaking to me.
Now that my boyfriend, Mr. Right, is deployed, I just found out that I'm three months pregnant.
He wants out -- saying this is not what he wanted. He's been gone less than a month, and I'm 100 percent sure this baby belongs to him because I haven't been with another man since I met him.
He said he doesn't love me like that. What in the world does that mean? He's treated me like a queen, and he's saying he doesn't love me like that?
Ms. Vicki, I can't go back to Washington and put this burden on my family. I left my job, my friends, and everything for this man.
Won't the Army make him take care of my baby? I hear that the service takes care of these children and sends them money on a monthly basis.
You are a military spouse, Ms. Vicki, so please tell me about the benefits I can get and when you think I need to let his unit know how he's treated me.
-- Crazy in Love
Dear Crazy in Love,
I love it when girlfriends and fiancées of military members write and ask me about their benefits. Allow me to be honest: You don't get anything. There are no benefits for girlfriends and fiancées.
Listen, your soldier wined and dined you and, from your report, he impregnated you. That's all you get for now.
There is no reason for you to involve his unit or contact his commanders. After all, it's your side of the story -- there is his side too. Who is to say that he is in fact the father of your child?
You will have to prove paternity. Then the soldier would be liable for child support. Hopefully, he will stay in the child's life and support him/her emotionally too.
Right now, if you feel that he personally owes you anything because you moved and left your job etc., you will have to take him to court to recoup money that you believe he owes you. In my opinion, this is not a military issue. This is about choices you made.
I'm not blaming you and I'm not saying that you deserve this, but I am saying you are a grown woman and it's time to "woman up" to your decisions.
You have to be honest with yourself because you are not an 18-year-old anymore, you are a grown woman. With age comes wisdom and good judgment, or at least it should.
You were caught up -- caught up in a credit card, a whirlwind romance, and rank. You may act like you didn't understand rank, but the rank you emailed me is a lot of rank by military standards.
Now you have discovered that rank does not equate to character. Yes, I think you should go back to Washington and hopefully you will have the support of your family and friends in this difficult time.
Try to get your old job back and don't rush into any more relationships. I hope the best for you. Take care of yourself and your child.
-- Ms. Vicki
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