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Why Can't I Meet His Family This Christmas?

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I’ve been dating my military boyfriend for almost two years and I have never met his family. 

I mean he talks about his family all of the time, but I've never spoke to his mother, his sister or his brother. He said he is going home to be with his family this Christmas and he isn’t including me in his plans.

I'm pretty shocked because I honestly thought he might be "popping the big question" to me with this family. What do you think he is trying to say? 

I want to take our relationship to the next level with marriage and children. When I bring it up he quickly jumps the subject, he ignores me and sometimes he even becomes defensive. Now I try hard not to bring up marriage or anything but I think this is unfair because I'm his girlfriend. Why should I be alone this Christmas? 

Sincerely,

Christmas just ain't Christmas without the one you Love. 

Dear Christmas Love,

There is something about the nostalgia of Christmas that makes everyone want to be in love. And there is something else about Christmas that brings out the true meanings and motives of relationships. 

Your boyfriend is telling you that he doesn't want to take this relationship to the next level. This relationship has reached its climax and this is as far as it goes. 

You have to understand what he isn't saying that's key. He's been with you for almost two years and you have never met any of his family or close friends. What more is there to say?  You are not important enough to meet the people that are important to him. 

Now, I can see that you are fixed on the amount of time you have been together. To you, time in the relationship equates to moving to the next level but not for your boyfriend. 

Personally, I think it's time for you to set him free for good. It's normal that you want to be with the man you love on Christmas but there is a lot more to the holiday spirit than that.  Look at these tips below. 

Spread Love: There are many ways to spread love and Christmas cheer and so many people who need it. Volunteering at retirement, assisted living and nursing homes is very important. You can sing Christmas carols to patients who won't be visiting with family and friends. There are other efforts too like sending care packages to deployed service members, helping out at a food pantry and feeding the homeless. 

Embrace Your Positives: Make yourself feel good by finding and embracing many positive aspects about yourself. Think about your smile, your personality, and all of your talents. It won't take long before you realize you are a winner. 

Set it Free: You have to know when to hold on and when to let go. Don't hold on to people or relationships when the love you want is not reciprocated. Let it go and set it free. 

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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