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They're Both Joining the Army. How to Make Dual Military Life Work?

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

My girlfriend and I are both joining the Army. We plan on getting married after we finish AIT.

We are trying to find a way to see each other and talk and hopefully live with each other.

I would love some info or advice. Thank you!

-- New to the Army

Dear Army,

Congratulations to you and your girlfriend! I wish you both great success in your future.

I also want to say thank you for choosing to serve your country by joining the Army. I know these are exciting times and, at the same time, they are stressful times, especially considering all of the decisions you both will have to make.

There are many dual military couples who make their relationships and marriages work. I truly have a great respect for them in managing their lives, children and careers.

With that said, I would like for you and your girlfriend to find some of those couples, as they can be great mentors for you and help calm a lot of the fears you may have.

You and your girlfriend will also each have an assignment officer that you can talk to regarding duty stations. Before you get married, you should speak with the assignment officer to ask questions and to get as much information as you can about you and your girlfriend/future wife being stationed together.

For now though, you should both just focus on completing AIT with favor. As you know, there are many ways to keep in touch with your girlfriend and to see each other, such as on a free weekend and, of course, when you graduate.

Please stay in touch with me and let me know how you are doing and where you end up. I wish you the best.

-- Ms. Vicki

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Ms. Vicki, a native of Dallas, has been the ‘Dear Abby’ for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her column has appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Ms. Vicki has retired from writing new columns for Although Ms. Vicki is no longer offering new advice on, you can still email military benefits questions to our Questions and Benefits team. Need military spouse career help? Email our Dear Career writers.