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Soldier on Leave But Parents Won't Bend Rules

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I am going to college about eight hours away from where my boyfriend is based in the Army. We are both 20.

When we are in our hometown on vacations or breaks, my parents say I need to "follow their rules and the curfew that they have set for me."

They are quite controlling people, and it becomes a pain with such limited time to be with my boyfriend and still have him be able to balance his time with just his family, and then time with just me.  

I would like to have as much time with him as possible, and my parents do not seem to realize how limited our time is. He is not even allowed to stay in the house and watch a movie or talk or anything if it is after my curfew.

We love each other very much, and we know that our relationship will be hard and tough, but we are pretty determined to work through it and are sure that if we can do this, we will be so much stronger in the end than we are now because of it. 

Any ideas you could suggest to help me get them to understand and/or be a little more lenient with their rules?


Dear Tracy,

It sounds like the real deal is that you want to be free to "get your groove on" with your boyfriend before he leaves.

Whatever you do, be an adult woman and use protection because what you don't need is a little baby bun in your oven and then discover that your "great guy" has disappeared.

But I do I hear you, Tracy. I have been there and done that, too. I remember trying to explain to my mother about how special my Army boyfriend was and how she should bend the rules a little to accommodate my "once in a lifetime love."

She wasn't hearing it, either.

My suggestion would be for you to talk to your parents like a 20-year-old grown woman. It's only normal at your age that you are cultivating a relationship and wanting more intimacy. Sometimes it's hard for parents to see their children as sexually mature individuals.

Now, if you want to remain in their house you will have to follow their rules. They probably won't go for you spending the night out with your boyfriend.

I'm sure you will just make up some story about how you are spending the night with a girlfriend and you fell asleep on her sofa, right? Yep, there are women around the world who remember telling those same stories, LOL.

My point is that it is probably better just be honest and see what happens in the relationship. Oh, of course I need an update!

Ms. Vicki

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Ms. Vicki, a native of Dallas, has been the ‘Dear Abby’ for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her column has appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Ms. Vicki has retired from writing new columns for Although Ms. Vicki is no longer offering new advice on, you can still email military benefits questions to our Questions and Benefits team. Need military spouse career help? Email our Dear Career writers.