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Should She Tell Her Husband That His Friend Is Flirting With Her?

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I read that you're from Texas. So am I! I graduated from Lake Highland High School in Dallas and I married my high school sweetheart, who joined the Navy.

At first, it was a tough transition for me, but he's been in now for 11 years and he wants to stay and retire, which is just fine with me.

My problem is that one of his Navy friends is constantly flirting with me, and I'm wondering if I should tell my husband not to invite that friend over again. He's not married, but he has a girlfriend who thinks he's ready to propose.

I'm starting to think this man is the devil in disguise. One minute, he's in church and telling others about the Lord; the next minute, he has a steady girlfriend; and the next, he's flirting with me!

He says things like, "You are so pretty and you've got a banging body." He winks at me, blows kisses to me and once he even said, "If your husband ever messes up, I will be right here to pick up the pieces."

Ms. Vicki, at first I was flattered and I liked him flirting with me, but I never wanted him sexually or anything like that. I only liked that he liked me. Then I realized I was playing with fire by accepting his passes.

I don't want to mess up my marriage, and I wouldn't want to lose my husband's trust by accepting another man's advances. Now I want the flirting to stop, and I don't know the best way to do it.

Should I tell him to stop and let his friendship continue with my husband, or should I let my husband know the truth about what's been happening?

-- FlirtyFriend

Dear FlirtyFriend,

Girl! Boo, Bye!

He is not a friend to your husband; he's a loser. It's obvious that he comes around because he's trying to get your good-good. You should steer clear of him. I'm glad you admitted that you were flattered initially by his attention. Many people wouldn't admit that they liked the attention.

With that said, you need to try to figure out why you were so vulnerable to his advances. Be honest.

You should ask yourself if your husband gives you the time and attention you need. We work on our jobs, accept other outside commitments and provide maintenance on our cars more than we nurture our marriages and relationships. The next thing you know, someone is having an affair.

It's not an excuse; it's the truth. Don't let this happen to you.

Now back to Dirty Flirty -- ditch him! I would tell him off. Tell him to leave you alone and to never come to your home again. I would like to tell you to let your husband know, but I don't know his temperament. I wouldn't want to gas your husband up with this information and then have him go off and do something crazy like assault the guy or something.

Telling your husband is your decision, but this guy is definitely not a friend to either of you. He's a low-down opportunist who takes advantage of unsuspecting men and their wives.

Trust me, this guy has been watching you and your husband. He's noticed a crack in your relationship somewhere. Please don't fall for the okey-doke, and don't play with the fire. Don't let this guy come into your home again.

Keep in touch with me and let me know what you decide to do.

-- Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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