Dear Ms. Vicki,
I don't know what to do. I am not currently in the service, but I wish to join the Navy as an advanced electronics technician. I am recently engaged and my significant other wants to support me. But she also hates the idea of me leaving her.
My fiancee doesn't think I should go into the military. I want to serve. So I’m not entirely sure about what I should do. I mean, when we were discussing it she almost broke down and started crying. I think she would get over it, but I’m not sure.
Very Confused Fiancé
This is a very important question and something you should seriously think about. Here goes my quick answer: If you are not sure, then don’t do it. Period.
You have to know that you are making the right decision before joining the military. Yes, your girlfriend may be taking it hard and she in turn may like the Navy life in the long run. There is no way to know for sure.
Let’s face it: Life happens. Suppose she never likes it? Suppose you join and you don’t like it? What happens then?
Honestly, I think it is your own ambiguity that has me more concerned. Take your time. Perhaps you really don’t know if you should join the Navy right now and that’s OK. Let me know what you decide to do.
Dear Ms. Vicki,
My friend's husband got back from Kuwait and immediately started divorce proceedings. Tricare Health has stopped her spousal insurance and refuses to send her any supporting documents.
She can't get on state insurance until Tricare sends a letter explaining she is no longer on her husband’s policy. Every time she or her worker phones, Tricare says the same thing: "Contact the husband. He has to ask for her."
She can't afford an attorney because her husband is only giving her $200 in support. The divorce has taken a toll on her fibromyalgia and she is unable to work. She keeps trying to get her divorce finished, her healthcare locked down, and her life back on track yet the military keeps telling her to talk to her husband about support and documents.
How can she do this when he refuses to talk to her and mediation has failed? Is there a way she can cut through the red tape and start life again or does she have to submit to the silence of her husband?
Friend in Need
I am very sorry to hear about this and I really wish your friend the best. Urge her to get a divorce attorney who specializes in military cases.
One thing for sure, her husband is being a jerk and heartless by not giving her the information she needs so she can have access to healthcare. I think she has no other option but to try and get his unit command involved.
The command should tell him what he should do about supporting his wife and to release the information for her health insurance.
Readers, do you have more advice or information for others in this situation?
|Family and Spouse|
Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, is married to an active-duty Soldier and has three sons. She has a Master's of Science in Social Work from the University of Louisville, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and currently works as a therapist with military servicemembers and their families. She provides services for a wide array of concerns such as combat stress, PTSD, couples and marital problems, depression, grief and loss, stress and coping.
Ms. Vicki also writes an advice column "Dear Ms. Vicki" that appears in the Washington Times, the Fort Campbell Courier and the Heidelberg Herald Post. Ms. Vicki also hosts an internet radio show and blogs on her community site with the Washington Times. If you want to ask Ms. Vicki for advice about your military life, please email her at AskMsVicki@military-inc.com.