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She's in Love With Her Gay Best Friend

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

Who wouldn't want to marry their best friend? I've been in love with my best friend for at least two years. He finally confessed that he feels the same way about me too and I was so excited.

The deal is my best friend is gay. I'm beginning to feel that it's not such a big deal anymore because every relationship will have some challenges of sorts.

He's in the Air Force, and I have visited him twice at his current duty station. We have such a good time, and it seems like we are getting closer and closer to the point that he doesn't want me to leave.

I would like to take this relationship further just to see where it goes, but he doesn't understand that I don't want to compete for his affection with a man.

When I visited him last, I could tell when I was around some guys who he's probably been with because of the snarky looks they were giving me.

I'm just wondering how I should proceed with this relationship. Should I just let go and give it my all or not? And how can I know if he is really interested in me or just maybe experimenting with a female for a while?

Sincerely,
Should I Be Concerned?

Dear Should I,

Wait-wait-wait a minute. I'm a little confused, but don't you thinking you are jumping ahead just little bit? I mean, where did marriage come from? I think maybe both of you are experimenting with each other.

So let's be honest: You have been hooking up with your best friend and now you have your heart in it. You are wondering if the relationship will lead to marriage.

I don't think your best friend is remotely interested in marriage. He sounds like a guy who is having some fun and that's it. You know it, too. You admitted it when you said on your visits with him you are getting "mean mugged" by other guys. Yes, we know what that means.

Here's the deal. I think you and your friend crossed a line that will forever change your friendship, and I'm sure it will wreck your friendship real soon.

How can you go back and undo what's been done? You can't. Moreover, you can't start setting boundaries when they have already been crossed in such a big way.

I would ask you to stop having the intimate relationship with your best friend, but you won't listen to me anyway. I don't know what else to say other than it's a train wreck about to happen any second now and one of you is driving the train and the other is standing on the track. Disaster!

Please, don't forget to write to me again with an update. I will be interested to hear what you decided to do and the drama that follows.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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