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Separated Spouse Debates Wisdom of Moving Back In Together

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

My husband and I have gotten into an argument.

We are currently separated, and we're set to move back into an apartment together soon, but now I'm having second thoughts. We are not legally separated, and I have been living with family. Now it is time for us to move in together, but every time we are about to move somewhere together, he wants to fight and argue. It makes me wonder if he even wants to live with me.

We haven't been married very long. I started to see a therapist just to get my mind right, and my therapist advised me that his behavior should be reported to his command, but in the position I'm in now I don't want to get him in trouble. I'm afraid of making things worse, but I have to look out for myself. What resources do I have? Please help me.

Questions About My Marriage

Dear Marriage,

I'm guessing your therapist said you should refer your husband to his command because of abuse (emotional, physical, etc.). If so, you should contact the Family Advocacy on your base or post.

Moreover, you shouldn't move in with him.

On the other hand, I applaud you for seeing a therapist. You should absolutely look out for yourself. It's important for both of you to be safe. Conversely, you may be saying "how can I work on my marriage if we are never living in the same house?" Perhaps you should continue with therapy longer and find a marriage therapist for you and your husband to visit as a couple before you move in together.

It sounds like there are a lot of concerns in your marriage that should be addressed. So don't move in together yet and do contact the Family Advocacy or a Victim's Advocate if there is abuse. Also, you should feel free to contact your husband's command if that is needed.

Ms. Vicki

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Ms. Vicki, a native of Dallas, has been the ‘Dear Abby’ for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her column has appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Ms. Vicki has retired from writing new columns for Although Ms. Vicki is no longer offering new advice on, you can still email military benefits questions to our Questions and Benefits team. Need military spouse career help? Email our Dear Career writers.