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Recruit Living in Rewind

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I know this is silly, but I am currently a high school senior. I have been enlisted for about half a year and plan to ship to basic in two months. Being a girl and a soldier makes it hard for people to stay in my life. Fortunately, I found someone willing to stay.

My boyfriend, a civilian training to be a blue collar worker, has made very many efforts to work with and around my lifestyle. I am overjoyed with his support and it helps me push through.

Now that I'm leaving, is it wrong to expect him to leave me? I really didn't want to make a connection with anyone before I left to save myself and to keep from hurting others. It was an accident we met, and we instantly just clicked.

I am wondering if there is some advice to ease my mind? Or am I thinking too much because we are young yet? I also do not wish to hurt him, but I have thought of leaving him before I leave so I do not cause him stress. I just want the best for him.

Sincerely,
#Girl Soldier

Dear Girl Soldier.

You are too funny. I think you are having anxiety and fear about what hasn't happened. 

It's like you think you know it's going to happen because you have been given a glimpse of it already in your future. You think he will leave you so you should leave him first to spare him any pain and hurt. You think that your career choice as a soldier will leave you without a meaningful solid relationship.

You see where I'm going with this? You can't be in the "present" while living in "rewind," can you?

Right now, you don't have a problem. Right now, you have met a nice guy who is showing that he is interested and quite fond of you. What you should do is definitely continue with your goals and he should continue with his goals.

Now, if by chance the two of you can trust each other and believe in each other's goals, then perhaps you can become a couple. What's the rush? Just take your time and see what happens.

Now, in two months you will be joining with other "like-minded" people: other basic trainees who have the same career goal as you. Because of this, don't be surprised if you meet other people who you may want to spend time with and get to know better.

Let's just see where this relationship goes. Let me know how you are doing in basic training and where your first duty station is, OK? Keep in touch.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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