Dear Ms. Vicki,
I just found out that my husband has a separate Facebook page with nothing but women he has met on the internet. There are endless conversations he has with women telling them how gorgeous they look and wanting to meet up with them.
The posts were sporadic up until last May, when we started having more and more marital issues. I've never known him to be a cheater. He stays home a lot and always plays video games, but I just don't know anymore. When I confronted him about it, he just had a "so what" attitude about it, saying that he didn't know what would happen between us.
Recently, I have found a separate Skype account with nothing but female connections. Then I found an Instagram account with nothing but photos of him and again nothing but female followers.
I asked him if he has slept with them, and he said he's never even met them. I don't know what to believe at this point.
I want to know if this a legitimate claim where he can be prosecuted under Article 134 (General Article) which prosecutes adultery. I have taken screen shots of these conversations as I wanted to see about bringing them to his command to let them know about it.
My husband has truly hurt me and I am so upset that he has stayed married to me if all he wanted to do was pursue other girls. I just want to know what options I have. I may be shooting blanks here, as I was reading a few articles and they say I have to prove intercourse, and so forth, which I don't have. Do you have any advice?
Ruined By Social Network
Dear Social Network,
I’m very sorry to hear about this. I know you must think your marriage is built on a lie. Right now, you can’t prove your husband is having sex with these women. However, he is cheating just the same.
Emotional affairs and hooking up online are cheating. You have to realize that many women report emotional affairs and sexual affairs to their husband's or wife’s commanders. Some commanders choose to do nothing and say it’s the servicemember’s personal life.
Many spouses also choose not to report the incidents because they believe they could suffer financially if the servicemember is separated from the military. Again, this is not to frighten you, but I want to let you know I’ve heard many stories and outcomes.
Something else that bothers me is your husband’s lack of accountability. He doesn’t believe he is doing anything wrong. This tells me he will continue, and his behavior and actions with these women will increase.
When you confronted him about his actions, his answer was “I didn’t know what would happen between you and me”? So in other words, he has to keep a few side- chicks? This is interesting.
Here’s the deal: I think this is a big problem. I always encourage couples to get counseling before they consider separating or getting a divorce. Marriage counseling can help to repair a marriage, but there is something about your husband’s lack of responsibility that tells me you probably married a man with a cheating nature. If this is the case, he may never change.
If you stay married to him, this may be something you will have to live with. I truly hope I’m wrong, but I’m usually on point with these questions.
|Family and Spouse Ask Ms. Vicki|
Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.
Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.