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Letting Her Husband's Ex-Girlfriend Move In Was a Mistake

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I don't know if I've been a fool for love or not, but I need some quick advice.

I've been married for five years to my husband. This is my first marriage, but it's my husband's second. He has two children with his ex-wife and two children with two other women.

One of the women was an old girlfriend from high school. They continued to mess around until she got pregnant. Of course, their relationship was over and my husband went off to college at Michigan State, where he met the mother of his second child. They stayed together for a year or so.

My husband tries to be a good father to all of his children and, to my knowledge, he is very respectful to their mothers.

Recently, the mother of his second child fell on hard times, and she lost her job and her apartment. Because I was concerned about his son, I suggested the boy and the mother move in with us at Fort Benning until she could get back on her feet. We were living in a small house on base but, because I love my husband, I thought it was the right thing to do.

Now, she has basically taken over my house like she is the wife and mother! It's been two months of torture. I don't know how to get rid of her, and my husband is mad at me because I want them to leave.

I go to work every day while she stays at home like she's the housewife. My husband has a lot of free time during the day, and I'm starting to wonder if he's coming home and hanging out with his ex while I'm at work, if you know what I mean.

She is just too comfortable living in my house with my husband, and I want her out. What can I do?

-- Living in Crazy Town

Dear Crazy Town,

I have to say: Not many wives would invite their husband's ex to live in their homes like you did. I'm not trying to make you feel silly, but I have to ask -- why did you do that?

First lesson of adulthood and being a wife: Always stay in your lane because you could be taking on more than you can handle. An ex-girlfriend and baby momma who is looking for a good man and a good home -- that's more than you can handle.

This is just my opinion, but I think this woman has been playing you from the word "go" and you fell for it. I think you know that too. I don't think it was your place to take her into your home. Yes, I know you said you were thinking about your husband's son, and that's admirable. In that case, you should have invited the child, but not the mother.

How does it look that this queen is sitting up in your house while you go to work every day? And now you wonder why she's taken over? Well, she has. And she's done it basically because you allowed her to.

This sounds like what my grandmother would tell me when I was a little girl. She'd say, "Vicki, if you let the devil get in the back seat of your car -- in no time, he'll be driving."

I hope you can see where I'm going. Bottom line: You have to put your foot down and she has to go. Now.

Your husband may not like it, and I hope this doesn't cause any further problems in your marriage, but you have to put her out. I'm sure your husband has been spending more time with her than you know, but that's beside the point now.

The queen has other places she can go lay up all day and give orders to her court besides your home. Let her go to some other family, friends whoever -- I don't care.

Start packing her bags now and take her to a bus stop. The Mega bus is pretty cheap from my understanding. Just let her know she's getting out of your house. You can tell her that the child can stay with you until she is able to get on her feet.

Let me know how it goes. There are sure to be some fireworks.

-- Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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