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Husband 'Dragging His Feet' on Sponsorship?

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

My husband and I have been apart since June 2014. We are currently waiting sponsorship for my son and I to join him in Germany.

I recently found out my husband has cheated more than once. He's still not telling me the full truth, and I feel like he's still sleeping around with the female soldier.

We are not sure when our command sponsorship will be approved. He told me all we needed were his orders. Then last week, he told me he failed a PT test and he was told they wouldn't finish our sponsorship approval until he passes his next PT test. He told me he was flagged.

Can you please give me advice? I'm not sure what to do. I love him, but the cheating is out of control.

Sincerely
What’s the deal in Germany?

Dear Germany,

You have every right to go to Germany, and try and make your marriage work. In my opinion, there is more to this story, though.

Yes, there is some bravado that takes place and perhaps some bullying that occurs within units. However, no legitimate command is going to keep a service member from being with his family because he hasn't passed a PT test.

Your husband could be "dragging his feet" (a Tex-ism) because he is not in a rush for you and your son to join him.

Let me back up just a few paces. So your husband gets orders for Germany (an accompanied tour). My question: Why were you and your son not on the initial orders to travel last June? Did you get married after his orders were processed? If so, that would cause a delay. But if you and your son are on the orders, you can go to Germany now.

Command sponsorship is taken care of prior to the service member and his family arriving, not after. He should have been linked up with a mentor or a person who can help your family transition to Germany. This person will be able to answer questions about schools, housing, the unit etc. Basically, they help you avoid some of the pitfalls of a transition.

My quick advice is for you to get some questions from the Family Readiness Officer (FRO) or even the first sergeant or commander. They would gladly help you connect the dots in this situation. Find your husband's base and unit online and they should have some phone numbers available for you. Let me know what you discover and thank you for writing me.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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