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He's Cheated for 42 Years; She's Afraid She Can't Make It on Her Own

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I've been married for 42 years. Over the years, my husband has cheated on me a couple of times, and I forgave him because he promised that he loved me and said he would never do it again. 

Then, three months before our 42nd anniversary, I found out that he's been cheating on me the whole time with Asian prostitutes and that for three or four years now he's been having an affair with our married Asian friend. 

I am devastated by this revelation, but it certainly explains his verbally abusive attitude towards me -- he just picks at me all the time. I want him to leave, but I'm afraid that I can't financially make it on my own. Any advice?

Victim of Infidelity

Dear Victim,

You can't make it on your own? So what are you supposed to do then, continue to stay with a habitually cheating, verbally abusive man for the remainder of your life?

If you stay with this man, he will continue with his lying, cheating, abusive ways and you will have to be resolved that you are married to a cheater. The truth is, we teach people how to treat us. I'm not saying that you deserved this, or that you asked for his behavior, but each time it happened ,you chose to accept it. You accepted it because you are afraid that you can't make it without him.

It's not just your husband who has been disrespectful to you, your friend disrespected you, too! I would never smile at another woman, break bread with her, and then sleep with her husband. That's ruthless.

You need to grab some balls and figure out how to make it on your own. Your age and life experience should help you do this. I'm not saying you should kill your husband, but you should kick him to the curb.

Only the good Lord knows how much time we have left on this Earth. I'd rather be alone and happy than with a man who doesn't love me and makes me miserable. Girl, let me hear you ROAR!

Ms. Vicki

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Ms. Vicki, a native of Dallas, has been the ‘Dear Abby’ for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her column has appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Ms. Vicki has retired from writing new columns for Although Ms. Vicki is no longer offering new advice on, you can still email military benefits questions to our Questions and Benefits team. Need military spouse career help? Email our Dear Career writers.