Can Officers Do Anything They Want?

Ask Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I have been married to my Army husband for two years, and we have a baby boy. I supported my husband financially and emotionally until he finished school to become an officer.

After he went to his final training with all the officers on TDY, he hung out with friends. I found out that he lies to all his female coworkers and tells them he is not married. He said he just tricks women and makes them fall in love with him just like he tricked me.

He confessed everything and said he wants to divorce me because he wants to be single. He is in a new workplace, but he doesn't bring us on base. He doesn’t tell anyone he is married. He took off his rings. He tells people he has kids to get more feeling from girls.

Is hiding our marriage against the Army’s rules? I feel miserable that he treats me like garbage. He has an attraction for another coworker. He is calling the female every day at the same time.

How can I involve the Army? Should I let that female know? I heard officers can do anything they want and never get in any trouble.

Sincerely,
Trueblue

Dear Trueblue,

It appears that you really picked a winner in your husband. He may be an officer, but he is no gentleman and he lacks character.

Well, there is no Army rule that says he can’t divorce you. Servicemembers get divorced all of the time. However, I think you should get some legal advice before you sign anything. I don’t think you can trust or believe anything your husband tells you.

You can report his behavior to his commander if you want to. You can also let the other woman or women know that he is married. After all, he is your husband. I don’t know if this will do any good, though.

This is not fair to you. You have been taken advantage of by a guy who appears to be a jerk. He was just using you to get what he wanted and now that he has achieved his goal, he wants to dump you. This is not your fault, and you cannot simply sit back and let him continue to live this lie. Let me know what you decide to do.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I was married to a man in the Marine Corps for 24 years. I was a good wife and mother to his son. He retired and started working. Shortly after, my husband started acting kind of strange.

Well, within a year he left me, shacked up with another woman, divorced me and married this other woman. What a jerk, I thought.

I learned a lot from this relationship, and I promised myself I would never get into another relationship. However, I’m 54 years old. I met another man, younger. He is 34 years old and has been married once with 3 kids. We live together now. We have a good relationship with the understanding I don’t want to get married.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I always think about my ex-husband and what in the world made him walk away from our married life. I miss my ex and wish it had never happened.

Am I so stupid to think this way? And how could this have happen to me after I gave him all the respect he deserved for serving for our country? Thank you for your time and I hope this will help someone else out there who is either going through the same or has already been through it.

Sincerely,
San Antonio

Dear San Antonio,

Thanks so much for writing and for sharing. So you are living with a younger man now, huh? Well, should I be saying “GO-Girl”, LoL?

It sounds like your divorce was very difficult on you, like it took the wind from your sails. I can see that you are trying to move on, but there are remnants of resentment from the way your husband treated you. These are very normal feelings, not stupid at all.

Maybe you want to take your time with this new relationship and not feel the need to rush into anything. Yes, you are moving on and you are now living with a new beau, but I don’t want you to let the unresolved feelings for your husband and his actions to stop you from “really moving forward.”

If this happens, it may not be fair to your new man. I think you should have a few sessions with a good therapist who can help you deal with all of the feelings that you so rightfully have. Tricare (877-874-2273) can refer you to someone in your community.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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About

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, is married to an active-duty Soldier and has three sons. She has a Master's of Science in Social Work from the University of Louisville, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and currently works as a therapist with military servicemembers and their families. She provides services for a wide array of concerns such as combat stress, PTSD, couples and marital problems, depression, grief and loss, stress and coping.

Ms. Vicki also writes an advice column "Dear Ms. Vicki" that appears in the Washington Times, the Fort Campbell Courier and the Heidelberg Herald Post. Ms. Vicki also hosts an internet radio show and blogs on her community site with the Washington Times. If you want to ask Ms. Vicki for advice about your military life, please email her at AskMsVicki@military-inc.com.

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