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Angry Ex-Wife Would Like to Tell the New Wife a Few Things

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

After 20 years of marriage and sacrificing my life and soul to support my husband during his military career as an Army officer, he decided to divorce me for a much younger woman.

His new wife is 25 years old, just two years older than our oldest daughter. Everyone said my ex-husband was experiencing a midlife crisis. I thought maybe he even had PTSD from being deployed four times to Iraq and Afghanistan. His Humvee turned over several times from hitting IEDs, and I wondered if he had brain damage.

I've learned that his brain is intact; he just didn't want to be married to me anymore. This wrecked me to the core. I even thought about taking my own life.

It's coming to pass that karma is a "beast." Now his 25-year-old eye candy cries and complains about the spousal support and child support money that my ex-husband is court ordered to pay me. She is also mad that I have a bigger house than them.

She stays out in clubs partying at least four or five days a week. I even heard that my ex is looking sick and weak. He deserves it.

Did his new wife think it was going to be easy, that life with him would be a bed of roses? I could have told her different. Assuming she wanted some advice from me, what should I tell her?

Sincerely,
First Wife With the House and Money

Dear First Wife,

Research shows that you will do better emotionally if you are less preoccupied with your ex-husband. I know the divorce was rough and stressful for you. It won't be easy for you to get over it and move on.

When we are mistreated, it's only natural to be hurt, angry, confused and even resentful. Let's face it, who wants to believe they have been replaced by a younger, more beautiful model? No one wants to face this. I think there is a lot you could say to the new young second wife, but I think instead you should let me tell her (and others like her) four things:

    • One day, you will be the older wife too. Eventually, he will want to replace you with a younger, more attractive woman.
    • Wives build lives and homes. Youngsters stay out partying four or five nights a week and throw tantrums when they don't get their way.
    • He's not so easy to live with. You were dating an actor while his ex-wife coped with the real man at home. You will learn that trying to make a marriage work is not easy.
    • Be prepared. If he cheated with you, he will cheat on you.

    I hope this helps. Please write again and let me know how you're doing.

    Sincerely,
    Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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