Dear Ms. Vicki,
My friend is making me sick. I met her and thought we had a lot in common. We are both married, we have children, our husbands are deployed, and we attend the same church. Now my relationship has turned out to be a nightmare with her. So much that I want to move from the area. She is demanding and wants to control my life. What should I do?
My friend is driving me crazy
Dear "My Friend",
Much can be said about the power of a great relationship between women. Research suggests that women live longer because we tend to have girlfriends with whom we are able to share our secrets, dreams, successes and failures. However, a terrible relationship with anyone is bad for your health, self-esteem and self-worth.
Here's a countdown of seven signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship with another platonic female:
7. You often say to yourself, "Why did I agree to meet her for lunch?" Or "Gee, I wish she would drop off the face of the earth." The time you spend with her is excruciating and you can't wait for it to be over.
6. When she meets your other girlfriends she is rude or mean to them.
5. She becomes jealous when you spend time with other girlfriends, especially when you do not invite her.
4. She monitors how much time you spend with other friends and she asks you why she wasn't invited. She wants to know who you were with, what activity you did with them and how much time you spent with them.
3. She always has a problem and expects you to help her: car trouble, money problems, occupational problems, problems with her family, problems with her neighbors. The list goes on and on.
2. When you leave her presence you are emotionally drained and exhausted.
1. You don't answer the phone when she calls you. You want to block her phone number but you are in fear she may do something harmful towards you.
If you're seeing these signs, it's time for you to get out of this relationship.We often ask if our romantic relationships are emotionally healthy and we forget about the relationships with our platonic and other close friends. These relationships are extremely powerful and should be just as healthy as any other relationship. Bottom line, you should "call out" your friend and confront the behavior. Tell her that your relationship with her is too exhausting and emotionally draining. If her behavior continues, you won't continue the friendship.
Have you ever been in this situation before? Do you have a toxic friend? Leave a comment on the discussion board and tell me what you think.
Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, is married to an active-duty Soldier and has three sons. She has a Master's of Science in Social Work from the University of Louisville, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and currently works as a therapist with military servicemembers and their families. She provides services for a wide array of concerns such as combat stress, PTSD, couples and marital problems, depression, grief and loss, stress and coping.
Ms. Vicki also writes an advice column "Dear Ms. Vicki" that appears in the Washington Times, the Fort Campbell Courier and the Heidelberg Herald Post. Ms. Vicki also hosts an internet radio show and blogs on her community site with the Washington Times. If you want to ask Ms. Vicki for advice about your military life, please email her at AskMsVicki@military-inc.com.
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