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Ms. Vicki: He Has a Secret Contract Marriage

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I met the love of my life a year and a half ago. Right after I met him, he introduced me to one of his best friends, a woman he said was a lesbian. From day one she never liked me. She would constantly give me dirty looks, talk bad about me to my boyfriend and tell him that she didn't think I was right for him.

I continued to try and get along with her for his sake. The Marine Corps ball was in December and he invited me to go, but then he told me that he had decided not to go. I later found out that he did go, and that he went with his lesbian best friend, her girlfriend and his sister.

His birthday was in June and I planned a surprise party for him. I told everyone two months in advance and I invited his best friend, even though I did not like her, because I knew it would make him happy. She ruined my surprise for him by intentionally inviting him out on the same day she knew I was throwing the party for him. I was angry and explained to him what had happened and he took her side, saying that she hadn’t done it on purpose.

Every time he and I argued about her, he would defend her. I didn’t understand why until just a few days ago. She and I got into a text argument and she told me that she and my boyfriend were married and are just now getting a divorce.

I confronted him and he said it was a contract marriage. He said he never told me about it because he didn’t think I would understand. He said they never lived together, never slept together (because she really is a lesbian) and never had an actual marriage. He said the marriage was strictly for money.

That’s why he said he had to take her to the ball, because they were officially married. He said he tried to divorce her several times but she wouldn’t agree to it and that he had to keep her happy so she wouldn't tell his chain of command.

I asked him who else knew and he said everyone but me. I feel so dumb for not knowing. He even told me that his divorce date is September 18th and that he had planned to propose to me on the 19th. I’m not sure what to do now. I love him and I know the marriage was a business deal, but I am extremely hurt. Can you give me any insight?

Sincerely,
Confused

Dear Confused,

It sounds like your married boyfriend has very poor judgment. Do you really want to be with someone like that? You need to leave this man alone.

Let’s say your boyfriend is just young and immature, I get that. But he’s also a big liar. He stacked lies on top of lies in order to deceive you. You will never know everything about your man or this story. He will never tell you the full truth. Don’t expect his family to tell you, either. They watched you being played and never said one word. Whether they call it loyalty to him or they say that they didn’t want to get involved, the bottom line is that he and his family are not trustworthy.

Let me give you another example of why you need to drop this man: he wants to propose to you the very moment his divorce is final. Really? Why would he do that? That’s another example of something he hasn’t thought through entirely. He just blows with the wind.

Now, here is something else I know: I know that you are not going to listen to me. You are not going to run for the hills as fast as you can. You love him and you are going to take a hit on the cheek for this guy. This will be a disastrous decision because someday you are going to find out more about this man and his lies.

Let me leave you with this: lots of women want a man in uniform. The truth is that uniform doesn’t equal character. I don’t think this guy is good for you. What kind of man leads the woman he loves through a web of lies? Your boyfriend did. Let me know what you decide to do. Thank you for reading the column and for taking the time to write to me.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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