Things are not going well in your marriage, are they? You have stopped telling your husband about your day because something inevitably sets him off. You get the feeling your wife would rather be at work or at her violin lessons or talking to her sister than spending time with you. You picked up your servicemember’s phone and found dozens of text messages from another woman. Worst of all, somehow you suspect that your partner in life doesn’t really care about you anymore.
Being married to the military can be harder than we expected. The unforeseen challenges we face our civilian friends don’t understand. Most military marriages have rough spots from time to time. Military couples say that those rough spots are often temporary.
Getting help early during those hard times can be the difference between staying married and considering divorce. Here are five things you should do if your military marriage is in trouble:
Helpful Resources For Troubled Couples
The military provides numerous free counseling and services for your family. A quick and easy place to begin is the local base or post chapel. Every military chaplain or priest is trained in marriage counseling techniques. It’s confidential and readily available.
Contact Military OneSource on the web or or call 800-342-9647 for information on counseling in your local area. It’s free and doesn’t have to be reported back to your spouse’s unit. This counseling can be conducted face-to-face or over the phone, and addresses non-medical, short-term concerns for up to 12 sessions per issue per person. Services are designed to provide help with short-term issues such as adjustment to situational stressors, stress management, decision making, communication, grief, blended-family issues, and parenting-skills issues. They even offer counseling over the phone and online.
Military Family Life Consultants (MFLC) are located at every military installation and housed in the Family Support or Readiness Centers. These consultants have a Masters or Ph.D. level of education and training. They can help with a myriad of issues including relocation adjustment, separation, homesickness, anxiety, personal financial management, relationship issues, parenting, anger management and conflict resolution. They can meet with you anywhere but at your home and they take no written records.
Whether you’re a spouse or active-duty member, you can find out more about your legal rights at your local military legal office and schedule an appointment with an attorney. Although they cannot represent you, they are able to review documents, answer questions and refer you to legal documents and forms. You can find links to military legal assistance offices at the Military.com Free Legal Assistance web page.
Reach out for help before you make any major decisions about your marriage. It’s free and your family’s health is worth it.
Stacy Allsbrook-Huisman is a freelance writer and consultant with a passion for military spouses and families. Being married to the Air Force for almost a decade has given her the inside perspective into the life and struggles of the military family. She currently writes for Goodfellow Monitor at Goodfellow Air Force Base and local papers. You can contact Stacy Huisman at firstname.lastname@example.org or find her on Twitter!
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Stacy Allsbrook-Huisman is a freelance writer and consultant with a passion for military spouses and families. Being married to the Air Force for almost a decade has given her the inside perspective into the life and struggles of the military family. Huisman worked in public affairs for the City of Las Vegas for 14 years before she became the Executive Director for the Las Vegas Centennial celebration in 2005 when Las Vegas celebrated its 100th birthday. Huisman currently writes for Goodfellow Monitor at Goodfellow Air Force Base and local papers. She works full time raising her two preschoolers and managing her military life. You can contact Stacy Allsbrook-Huisman at email@example.com.
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