I Was Everything His Wife Was Not

Ms. Vicki

Dear Ms. Vicki,

I know I may sound like many of your readers who write to you with a question or a problem. However, I think mine is different even though it starts the same with: I met and fell madly in love with an Army man.

I have to be honest -- I knew him and his wife. Somehow, I started seeing him around and we would talk. Only talk. He started to confide in me about his problems with his wife (i.e. they weren’t communicating well, they slept in separate bedrooms, they weren’t having sex, all they did was argue, and she gained weight and no longer kept herself up or looked sexy for him anymore).

I believed his story because when I would see his wife, she was very unkempt and was not very friendly either. She acted like she had an angry chip on her shoulder. I’m not saying I’m God’s gift to men, but I am a dime piece.

The short version of the story is that I became all of these things to him that his wife wasn’t. We spent a lot of time together and did things like riding bikes and even hiking together. We laughed and talked about everything. Of course, this made me realize that he was the man I had been looking for all of my life.

Long story short is that he divorced his wife and married me. After two years of marriage, he started isolating himself from me. He literally acted like he did not want to talk to me anymore.

All of the activities we did together stopped: no laughter and communication, no bike riding or hiking. The great love making sessions stopped cold. If I was lucky, I got a wham-bam, thank you, ma’am.

I knew something was wrong so I was desperate for answers. It didn’t take me long to discover that he was cheating on me. I could not believe it.

Now I don’t know what to do. Should I leave or stay? I recently discovered that I am his third wife and he cheated on his first wife to marry his second wife. Do you think he is a habitual cheater?

Sincerely,
Married a Cheater

Dear Married,

You asked me if this is a pattern. Uhhh, duh, you think? Yes it’s a pattern for him. Now here’s the real deal: It’s a pattern for you too. Have you forgotten how you met and married him? You were cheating with him ... HELLO!

Remember, you believed his story about his overweight, unfriendly wife who was making his life miserable. So you figured you would be the one who could make his life perfect, especially since you are “a dime piece” and athletic.

Well, you were wrong. I don’t feel any sympathy for you. I think you got what you deserved! I’m assuming that you didn’t have any children with this guy -- Great Decision.

You may be a “dime piece,” but you showed that you look good on the outside but you are a mess on the inside. My suggestion is to clean it up! 

Yes, your husband is a mess too, but you can’t point your fingers at him when you played a very important part in this situation. You need to learn more about yourself and who you really are so you won’t repeat the same mistake. Honestly, I wish you the best.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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About

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, is married to an active-duty Soldier and has three sons. She has a Master's of Science in Social Work from the University of Louisville, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and currently works as a therapist with military servicemembers and their families. She provides services for a wide array of concerns such as combat stress, PTSD, couples and marital problems, depression, grief and loss, stress and coping.

Ms. Vicki also writes an advice column "Dear Ms. Vicki" that appears in the Washington Times, the Fort Campbell Courier and the Heidelberg Herald Post. Ms. Vicki also hosts an internet radio show and blogs on her community site with the Washington Times. If you want to ask Ms. Vicki for advice about your military life, please email her at AskMsVicki@military-inc.com.

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