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$3500 Good Faith Payment

Hello Ms. Vicki,

I am very upset because my fiancé is deployed to Djibouti Africa. Now that it's time for him to come home for R&R his commanders won't let him until he pays a $3500 good faith payment. He also has to pay for his flight home and back to Africa. I've already paid $1500 to his commander. The commander calls me every day asking for the rest of the money or his request for leave will be rescinded. I want to be with him so bad. We have never had a chance to be together because we met on Facebook since he has been deployed. He wants to come home for R&R to be with me instead of going home to see his family member. Ms. Vicki surely the Army can give my fiancé the money for R&R, right? It can't be his responsibility because he is deployed serving his country.

Sincerely,
Angry About The Payment

Dear Angry,

Every day I receive letters from women who are asked to send money to a servicemember boyfriend, fiancé or husband so he can come home for R&R or even return home from deployment. This is a love scam: Don't send any money!

Our servicemembers and their chain of commands are professionals who are guided by one of the highest organizations: The Department of Defense. There would never be any requests from a US military commander to send him/her money to approve leave for a servicemember. Please don't send money to anyone. Furthermore, if you have been asked to take part in such a request you should cease all communication with this person or people. Personally, I think you could be in jeopardy of identity theft, etc. Hopefully you haven't provided any other pertinent personal information. This is a scam!

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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Dear Ms. Vicki,

I emailed you before asking on advice on my abusing, cheating wife. Anyhow, I left everything -- three jobs, school and my own apartment -- to move to her permanent duty station to come find out she doesn't want anything to do with me even though she asked me to work our marriage out. The reason she asked me to move was because she had made a bet with her shipmate. Other things have surfaced since I moved ...she is being investigated for fraternization among other things. She has been cheating on me with two of her shipmates, both of which are girls, one of whom is also married, and another man too. She tried to charge me rent for staying at the house that the BAH was paying for. Since I didn't feel like giving her a cent she took back the house, leaving me pretty much homeless. We have been married for two years and to this day she hasn't helped me with anything and she is collecting BAH and living in the barracks. I emailed her CMC and I understand they can't really do anything but she found out that I made the call and she threatened to kill me! My two friends who are NCO's in the army told me to go to Legal and report her. Do you think Legal in base could really do anything? Thank you so much in advance and I'm sorry for bothering you but I really don't know what else to do -- I want a divorce but she's taking her sweet time because of the BAH.

Sincerely,
Disrespected Husband

Dear Husband,

Yes I remember you. I was hoping things were working out between you and your wife. Listen, I'm concerned about you and the threats your wife is making. I think you should go the Fleet and Family Services on base and speak to one of the counselors/social workers. You could even speak to a victims advocate too. These professionals will offer you guidance, resources and support. Moreover, they can let you know what actions you need to take. Yes, Legal can help too. You can also make an appointment to see them, or most legal offices have walk-in appointments. Women can be abusive. Most men suffer in silence because they are embarrassed and in denial about what is going on. It doesn't sound like your wife is vested in this marriage. For this reason, I think it's time for you to make some decisions about a better life and future for yourself. Please let me know that you are okay, and what you decide to do.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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Dear Ms. Vicki,

I have a big problem.

I am a wife of a future soldier, and my husband just left to go to Fort Benning 3 weeks ago. I am attending college, and my mother was the person who was taking care of my daughters. Two days ago we had an argument, because she thinks that everything depends on her. I don't want my mother to think I can't do things by myself, like attending school, taking care of my children. I really need your help. I have to know where I can call to find assistance for child care because I have heard that military spouses have some benefits.

Sincerely,
Spouse in Need

Dear Spouse,

You and your children can receive military ID cards that will give you access to health care, commissary and PX privileges. Your husband will have to enroll you in the DEERS program. You can contact DEERS (Defense Eligibility Enrollment Reporting System) at 800-538-9552 for more information. You can definitely be referred to outside child care services. Military OneSource can give you some guidance and direction if you don't live near a military base. Their number is 800-342-9647. If you live near a military base, you can visit any family services office there. I'm sorry to hear that you and your mother had an argument. Perhaps she is stressed for many reasons but is still trying to support you. I also know this is a stressful time for you too. I hope things will work out for everyone. Let me know if I can help you further.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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Contributor

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, has been the Dear Abby for the military community since her column began in 2005. A licensed therapist and licensed clinical social worker, Ms. Vicki holds a Master of Science in social work and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology.

Ms. Vicki appears regularly on Military.com and in the Fort Campbell Courier. Her column has also appeared in the Washington (D.C.) Times and in the Heidelberg (Germany) Post Herald. She has been featured on CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC.

Looking for advice about your military life? Email Ms. Vicki here. Find Ms. Vicki on Facebook here.  Find Ms. Vicki on Twitter here.

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