Dustin's Unforgettable Winging

About the Author Sarah Smiley's syndicated column, Shore Duty, appears weekly in newspapers and magazines across the country. She is the daughter and wife of two Navy pilots, and has 28 years of experience as a military dependent. Next year, Penguin/New American Library will release her memoirs. Check Out www.SarahSmiley.com for more details and updates. Sarah Smiley Article Archive

My husband, Dustin, got his naval aviator wings September 1999 in Pensacola, Fla. The date really isn't relevant (I'm sure it's very relevant to the military), except that it was only eight weeks after our wedding. This is when Dustin and I were both young, thin, and without children. We went to the after-party and didn't worry about a babysitter. I wore shorts and didn't think about my legs. Dustin had more hair, less forehead.

But mostly, what our youth and new marriage meant was that I still felt like my husband was on loan from his parents. Dustin called his parents' house, not our apartment, "home." We felt at the mercy of our parents and their plans for family holidays. My in-laws knew more about Dustin than I did.

(Keep all this in mind when I tell you about the winging ceremony.)

Somewhere along the way, while planning for the upcoming winging and deluge of relatives, an unforeseen quandary was brought to my attention: Who would pin on Dustin's wings, his dad (a former Navy pilot) or me?

"Your dad will, of course," I said to Dustin. I still felt like he belonged to them, not me.

"But I want you to do it," Dustin said. He was excited about being married and desired to stay that way.

Then Dustin's dad mentioned that he'd like to give Dustin his old aviator wings, and that pretty much sealed the deal. How could I pin my father-in-law's heirloom wings on my husband?

Dustin, still feeling uneasy about the situation and perhaps realizing that eventually the whole thing would explode in his face (he's such a smart man), came up with a deal. His dad would do the ceremonial pinning, but then Dustin would present me with an aviator sweetheart pin

This sounded good to me. Everyone was happy.

As the ceremony drew near, however, I began to feel upset. I thought, "Why should my father-in-law do the wings when I'm the one who's kept dinner warm when Dustin's flights went late? Aren't I the one who unpacked our apartment in one day only to pack it all up again seven weeks later? Didn't I help Dustin practice his emergency procedures? Wasn't I the one who put my career on hold, waiting to get settled at the next duty station?" So my father-in-law gave Dustin life. I realize that … but still!

Dustin searched for the best sweetheart pin to show how much he appreciated all I had done for him. "And it will be you and me — a team — when I give you this at the ceremony," he told me.

If you've never been to a winging, it’s like a graduation, except everyone is in uniform, no one jumps off the stage and does the peace sign for their classmates, and the "graduates" aren't headed to careers of their own choosing. They're going where Uncle Sam sends them (and some of their wives aren't happy about it). 

When my husband was called on stage, my in-laws and I followed, just like every other family. Unlike every other group, however, my father-in-law gave a speech before pinning on Dustin's wings. (This is the first reason why everyone from that winging class usually remembers the Smileys.) Once my father-in-law finished and Dustin was "winged," Dustin turned to me, presumably to give me my pin. He hugged me and whispered in my ear. I thought he whispered, "I love you." So I said quite loudly, "I love you, too!" Then he whispered again, "No, I forgot it. I forgot the pin. I don't have it."

A second later we were all shuffled off stage. I was crying. (This is the second reason why everyone from that winging class usually remembers the Smileys.)

I hate to make this about me, but, well, as any military wife knows, our husband's career asks a lot of us. It's a team effort. Wingings and promotions are often meant to recognize the force behind the man/woman as much as they are to recognize the active-duty servicemember.

"At my first promotion," Dustin promised later, "It will be you who does the honors."

That moment came last week.

(To be continued…)

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