Q&A About Military Life

About the Author Sarah Smiley's syndicated column, Shore Duty, appears weekly in newspapers and magazines across the country. She is the daughter and wife of two Navy pilots, and has 28 years of experience as a military dependent. Next year, Penguin/New American Library will release her memoirs. Check Out www.SarahSmiley.com for more details and updates. Sarah Smiley Article Archive

Q: When my husband says we will be leaving for our summer vacation at "zero-six-hundred hours," what does that mean exactly?

A: It means you will pile into the minivan at an ungodly hour, and that your husband needs to chill.

This scenario is so typical of military men, who in their professional lives operate within the confines of rigid procedures and schedules. When they get home, they like to think their families also tense at the sound of a whistle and meet the day with gusto. Yet it is one of life's cruel ironies that military men often (not always, but often) coexist with their opposite: a woman who doesn't wear a watch and likes to sleep in; children who take an hour to get on their shoes, use the bathroom one last time, find a toy to take along, use the bathroom again, find the toy they set down, get one last sip of juice, use the bathroom one more time and get out the door.

Ah, but military men are also great planners and strategists, so my guess is that your husband really wants to leave at 7:00 a.m. (aka: "zero-seven-hundred"), but he knows this is unrealistic. He has told you 6:00 a.m. in the hopes that the family will actually be in the car one hour later. All of which means you won't get the “you-guys-are-so-undisciplined” stare until about 7:05, so take your time.

Q: Why can my husband fly million-dollar aircraft but for the past nine months, he hasn't figured out how to fix the broken sprinkler in our front yard?

A: First, I'm impressed that you realize your husband's procrastination with the sprinkler has more to do with his inability to fix it than any restraints on his time. A less experienced military wife might be fooled into believing that her husband has been "too busy" to think about the sprinkler. But we know (because we are the ones who do all the home repairs most of the time anyway) that a broken sprinkler requires very little time or skill.

However, as you mentioned, your husband is a highly trained military officer. (Which is to say, if the military didn't teach it, he probably doesn't know it.) You are witnessing a very common phenomenon: Smart people don't have room left in their brains for mundane tasks such as remembering to turn off the stove, storing new contacts into their cell phone, and reprogramming TiVo. Basically, your husband has used up all his smarts on the military. So get out there, fix that sprinkler, and be done with it!

Q: When I met my soldier husband, I fell in love with the idea that he would be my protector. Then he deployed and I had to toughen up. I hate to say it, but sometimes he seems a little wimpy to me now. Is this normal?

A: Military marriages are delicate balancing acts. When your husband is deployed, you are on your own and rise to the occasion. Then he comes back and naturally wants your relationship to return to its previous state (that, of course, being with you as the "wife" and him as the "soldier husband" while "Up Where We Belong" playing softly, yet continuously, in the background). As you gain independence, it is a bit disconcerting to view your husband in a different light. Trust me when I say you will not only get used to it, eventually you will enjoy telling everyone that your husband moaned like a baby when he had Pink Eye after you've delivered three of his children. Not that I know a couple that this has happened to, but you get the idea.

Q: Who are Romeo, Charlie and Sierra, and why does my husband keep talking about them?

A: Being the efficient system it is, the military uses the phonetic alphabet to eliminate any confusion (between Bs, Ds, Ts and Vs, and so forth) when calling out letters. For instance, my initials are SRS. To my military husband this is "Sierra Romeo Sierra." You can learn the phonetic alphabet if you wish, but I prefer instead to irritate my husband by coming up with my own. Instead of spelling out my husband's name Delta-Uniform-Sierra-Tango-India-November (the correct way), I might use Donkey-Umbrella-Salad-Tutu-Igloo-Norway. This is only slightly less efficient but much more Fabio-Underpants-Naked.

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