Dear Gene-Thomas,

Thank you or your articles that my husband and I have been reading on military.com. Our relationship has also benefited from your book that we learned about from “Dear Abby.” 

Debbie

Dear Debbie,

I’m always thankful and encouraged to receive e-mails from couples who benefit from my column published in military newspapers and online. Unfortunately, many commands don’t appreciate the tremendous potential their publications and websites have on affecting the lives of their personnel and family members. Let me illustrate this with an example. A commanding officer recently ordered a stand-down after a member of his command committed suicide. This typical reaction is generally too little and too late. 

It’s “too little” because suicide prevention training deals primarily with “symptoms” such as warning signs, and not “causes.” Fifteen years ago I almost died when the doc at our deployed command was treating my symptoms (i.e., low-grade temperature, fatigue, weight loss) with antibiotics, instead of addressing the cause of these symptoms (cancer). Fortunately, my decision to get a second opinion resulted in a correct diagnosis followed by a year of radiation and chemotherapy that saved my life. Consequently, in addition  to recognizing “symptoms” of fatal problems like suicide (e.g., depression, increased substance use, behavioral and personality changes), it’s essential that we also address the causes of suicide. And what is the number one cause of suicides in the military? Relationship problems. 

Military stand-downs for suicides are “too late” because the person that is most responsible for the event is dead. What did the command do to help prevent his suicide? What are commands doing to help strengthen dating and marital relationships that can affect the way personnel deal with “Dear John” letters and difficult divorces?

When I reviewed a few recent editions of a military base newspaper, I discovered articles about VIP visits, sporting events and local entertainment, but not one small article from a chaplain, family support counselor or any professional dealing with dating, marriage or family topics. While I’m not hurt if a military newspaper or website chooses not to run my marriage column or print any of my relationship articles that I’m glad have helped you and your husband, I am upset when I see a failure on the part of PAOs, editors and webmasters not to publish articles that proactively address relationship topics that can impact divorce, abuse and suicide rates. Am I too harsh when I judge this to be an example of irresponsible military journalism?

Because many people in the military are hesitant to speak with chaplains and family support counselors mainly out of concern for confidentiality, I believe it is incumbent upon military newspapers and websites to provide personnel and their family members with information that their readers may not be obtaining from professionals. Rather than being “reactive” in advertising an upcoming command stand-down, why can’t military media resources be more “proactive” in addressing the causes of problems that can harm the people at their commands? How difficult is it to provide their readers with a “Chaplain’s Corner” or publish a weekly column that can impact their psychological and spiritual quality of life?

I encourage commanding officers to take a good look at their base newspapers and websites and decide if they find them “proactive” in helping to reduce the particular problems that they are confronting on a day-to-day basis (e.g., alcohol abuse, accidents, domestic violence). I also invite them to review the articles in my archives and decide if the topics addressed could benefit the personnel and family members of their command. While it may be too late to save the life of the person who moved the CO to order the stand-down, it’s not too late to prevent other personnel from taking their lives because of relationship problems they find impossible to resolve on their own.

Gene-Thomas Gomulka
“A voice for military families” Columnist and author of The Survival Guide for
Marriage in the Military available at www.plaintec.net

Have a question or comment? Write Gene-Thomas at letters@plaintec.net