Dear Gene-Thomas,

Thank you for your column and your efforts to help military couples have good marriages.  After being married ten years, I regret to say there is very little romance in our lives…

Kim

Dear Kim,

How many marriages could be saved either from dissolution or boredom if spouses put a little more effort into being romantic? Unfortunately, you are not the only wife, either military or civilian, who would like to rekindle the love that brought you and your husband together. Because I addressed this issue in The Survival Guide for Marriage in the Military and my soon to be released interactive computer program, allow me to quote from the following reflection I already published on this topic. If you like what I have to say, you might find other advice in my works of equal value in your marriage.

It’s Saturday night and you have a hot date. You’re concerned with how you look and plans are in place for what you hope will be a very romantic evening together. You enjoy an intimate candlelight dinner with soft background music and more than just superficial conversation. You feel like you’ve never been happier in your entire life. The interior feelings that each of you have for one another grow and in time are externalized in a memorable and joyous wedding celebration in the presence of family and friends.

Years later it’s Saturday and you and your spouse find yourselves very tired after a long week. The kids around which your lives seem to evolve place great demands on each of you. Will this Saturday night simply be a time to recharge your batteries or can it be an opportunity to reawaken many of the feelings of love and romance that predated your marriage?

What can couples do to help maintain romance in their lives? Here are some romantic weekend suggestions that may prove helpful: Send the kids away to their grandparents, relatives or friends so you can be alone together at least from Saturday to Sunday afternoon. Make reservations for dinner at an upscale restaurant where you can both dress up and have a quiet, intimate dinner together. Go for a romantic walk together, preferably in a scenic area where, in addition to holding hands, you can also sit and chat about the "good times" you’ve shared over the years. Get a romantic movie, perhaps one that dates back to when you were dating or one that has always had special meaning in your lives. If you don’t spend Saturday night in a cozy bed and breakfast or hotel, use candles, flowers and soft music to create a very romantic atmosphere in your home throughout the weekend.

Have you ever given your partner a spontaneous kiss in public? Have you ever hidden a love note to be discovered or sent your partner a card apart from his or her birthday or Valentine’s day? Have you ever called your partner at work or at home and said, "I just called to say ‘I love you’?" Have you ever thought about how good kids must feel to see their parents kissing? What are some of your own ideas for not losing the spark that ignited your love for one another?

This reflection, like all of the advice in my writings, is designed for couples to sit down and talk about together. Share it with you significant other and be determined that you will not allow boredom to substitute for romance in your lives.

Have a question or comment? Write Gene-Thomas at letters@plaintec.net