Dear Ms. Vicki,

My husband and I have been separated since April 2010 but we are still married. He moved into base housing with his girlfriend & Kids without my knowledge. He now wants my son to live with them as well. Is he allowed to live on base even though we are still married? I thought this was against military law.

Sincerely,
CJ

Dear CJ,

I thought this was illegal too but here's the deal: Your husband can get away with this because you haven't said anything to anyone. I know many bases have privatized housing  now, so the concept is more like renting or leasing instead of living in base housing that's run by the military. Not to confuse you -- the military is still responsible for housing, but the managers are not military. Many are contractors. Two things: you can contact the housing manager on base and ask your questions. You should be able to Google the base information and find the number to housing, or check the Military.com Base Guide. When you do, direct your question to the housing manager. Right now your husband can pass this woman off as his wife and no one will know a thing. This may be a great time for you to get some legal advice too. What's the plan for you and your husband? Are you getting a divorce or were you thinking that you would reconcile? The information you gather from base housing will be great information for me and my readers. Please keep in touch with an update.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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Dear Ms. Vicki,

My husband served in World War II. According to his DD214, he received a Good Conduct Medal, a Purple Heart Medal, European African Middle Eastern Theater Ribbons and a World War II Victory Ribbon. I have been told by several military personnel that I should have received an ID card from the military. He was service connected 20 or 30 percent for something. He died in 1988 from something other than his service-connected problems. Is it true that I should have received an ID card? I have called the military base but they seem to give me run around. I will be retiring soon so I when I saw you I decided to ask about this. Thanks in advance for any information you may be able to give me on this is issue.

Sincerely,
My Husband Served Valiantly

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Dear Valiantly,

This is a great question but I think you should call the Department of Veterans Affairs. They will be able to answer your question expeditiously. Mondays are generally heavy call volume days but you can call or visit a local office if you have one in your town. Their number is 800-827-1000. Your husband did great service for our country! Please let me know what you find out. Keep in touch and take care of yourself.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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Dear Ms. Vicki,

I just lost my husband to suicide. He was in the Army and did two tours of Iraq as well as seeing other places. He was a Ranger and was very proud of serving his country. He enlisted right after the towers fell on 9/11. He never spoke about what he had seen or done while he was over there but he was diagnosed with PTSD. When he got out, he went on to go back to school and the police academy and became a police officer on his way to become FBI SWAT. He never let on that anything was bothering him and proceeded to set up a life with me. I am currently pregnant with our son and I'm trying to figure out how to cope with everything that took place. This just recently happened and I am having a real hard time. It doesn't help that his family blames me for what he did and disowned both me and my son. How do I keep going?

Sincerely,
Lost in Grief

Dear Lost In Grief,

Please tell me you are kidding…your in-laws are not blaming you because your husband took his life? Listen, I am so sorry to hear about what happened to your husband. I know this is causing you a lot of grief and pain that you don't deserve. Believe me, it's not your fault. I know this does not make it any better for you hearing that. Obviously your husband was a very brave and courageous man who did a lot to serve his country and others (on a local level as a police officer too). What he did is commendable. On the other hand, it sounds like he had some long-time mental health concerns that were not addressed.  It's only normal that you will have many questions, like how, why etc. I wish I could give you a time limit on your pain or tell you when the feelings will go away. It's important that you know that you have to take this one day at a time and that it's okay to go at your own pace. You will need support of loving, caring family and friends. You cannot afford to be around people who will blame you. It's also important that you take care of yourself for the sake of your child. Did the police department offer you any support?

Here's a list of support groups that you should check out when you have a chance. If you find any of them helpful please let me know. http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/
http://fortheloveofchristi.org
http://suicide.supportgroups.com/

Please keep in touch with me and let me know how you are doing. If you would like to talk by phone, send me a good number and time to contact you. Thank you so much for reading the column and for taking the time to write to me.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki