Hi Vicki,

"My niece is in the military and she’s scheduled to go on her second deployment sometime this year. My concern is with her ex-boyfriend who is the father of her son. 

"He’s been living with a married woman whose husband is deployed and will return in the next month or so. From the information I received, this isn't his first indiscretion. 

"I'm somewhat in awe that he would disrupt the camaraderie that Soldiers have among themselves. And this guy is proud to call himself a Soldier!

"This lady is going to ask her husband for a divorce when he gets home from deployment. I can't imagine what this fellow Soldier will endure when he’s informed of her actions. 

"Besides disrupting his son's life what will he do to his fellow Soldier’s life? Is there any disciplinary action that the military can take?"

Sincerely, 

A concerned aunt

Dear Concerned Aunt, 

In this situation, I’m not sure what can or will be done about his behavior. It will be a shame for this Soldier to return from deployment to discover not only that his wife has been having an affair, but that she also plans to ask him for a divorce. 

I hear about these stories quite often. Hopefully he can be surrounded by close family and friends who will support him. Conversely, don’t be surprised if you learn that she decided to remain with her husband. Many couples remain together after such discretions. 

Like you, I’m concerned about your niece and her son, and I hope they will be okay. If there is any way I can provide support to her please let me know. Take care of yourself and keep in touch. 

Hi Ms Vicki,

"I met a Soldier last year and we dated for six months before he deployed to Iraq. A week before he left for Iraq he became distant.

"I thought it was because he was leaving. We e-mailed back and forth until November. Then all of a sudden I didn't hear from him anymore. I know he's busy, but I know he's on the Web from time to time, because he's always making friends on his social networking sites. 

"I tell friends he's busy and maybe he needs space, but maybe I need a reality check. I always e-mail him, he told me he would never ask me to stop. Yet, I feel a bit foolish. 

"It’s nice to be able to talk to someone who can help me through this because it consumes me night and day. 

"I'm in college right now and I don't want to just leave him hanging. I do really care about him.

"What should I do?"

Sincerely,

Longing for Love

Dear Longing for Love,

You wrote to the right person about this! Yes he’s busy, but he’s not too busy to write you and keep in touch. 

Listen, when a man is into a woman he’ll stop at nothing to keep the lines of communication open. You seem to have a good sense of establishing good boundaries and respecting his space. That’s great! But you can tell that he keeps up with others on his social networks. So what does that tell you? 

I don’t want to sound harsh but that says you’re not that important. Here’s the deal: He can write you next week and apologize for his behavior, and you can accept his apology if you wish. You can keep writing him too, but please know this behavior will continue. 

He'll always pull a disappearing act — even if he’s not deployed. Personally, I think you deserve better. Reading your letter, you appear to be a very passionate and loyal young woman who is looking for a great guy to love and one who will reciprocate that love. And the longer you try to keep in touch with this guy, the higher your chances are of missing out on your true hero.

I’m sorry, I don’t trust him. He has too many red flags all ready, so my advice is to stop wasting your time. Thanks for writing and sharing. Please let me know how you're doing and give me an update. I wish you all the best.