Dear Ms Vicki, 

“I’m a new Army wife. My husband has always wanted to join the Army like his father and I agreed that it was now or never. 

“He’s about to finish AIT and then he’s being stationed in Hawaii. I work a full-time job on top of having 2-year-old twins. I was really looking forward to the move, even though I’ll leave behind a very close knit family. However, we just found out the he’ll deploy only two months after we arrive. 

“I’m trying to decide if it would be best for me to still pick up and move with him now, knowing he’ll be gone at least another year or stay put where I am. I’m comfortable here. This life and my family is all I have ever known. 

“I'm scared to get out there without family, friends, or my husband. He hopes I’ll go, and my family wants me to stay. What would be best for me, my husband, and children? I’m having a hard time being the supportive wife that I want to be.”

 

Thank you for your thoughts,

--A.W. 

Dear A.W., 

Thanks for writing and for sharing. Deployments are tough for entire families. Oftentimes, there’s the perception that deployments only affect the servicemember and their spouse. As you can see, your upcoming relocation and your husband’s deployment affects your extended family, too. 

It’s great to hear that you have a loving and supportive family. Many people don’t have family members they can depend on during tough times. From your report you have twins, working full time and surrounding by family support. This is great. On the other hand, you report that your husband would like for you to join him with this PCS move. 

My family was stationed in Hawaii for three years and let me say this: As soon as we PCS’d there all of a sudden my husband had many TDY trips, trainings, schools, etc. He stayed off the island more than he was on the island. I sometimes wondered “hmmm, why am I here?”

Long story made short, individually, professionally, and as a family it was a wonderful experience. I tell many people that Hawaii is where I learned to work as a community social worker and school social worker. 

I think you and your husband should have a lot conversation and try to come to some consensus before the decision is made not to join him, and everything will work out in the end. I also think you should give careful consideration in “not choosing” to join him especially because he wants you to join him. Yes, he’ll but he wants to have you and his children with him for as long as possible. 

In this situation, I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer, but it’s important for you and your husband to be on the same page. If you join him in Hawaii it will be important for you to build you a strong wellness plan that includes emotional, physical and spiritual support. Either way, I think you will be ok. Please let me know what you decide ok. Keep in touch!

“My father passed away in April 2009.  He was retired Air Force. There was no life insurance due to his bad health and the church paid for the funeral. [My mother] is in bad financial shape because with his death she lost two-thirds of her income. He died due to a Hepatitis C liver failure. Is it worth it to try to pursue the health issue as having come from his military service? Are there any groups that can help her with her finances? Or at least get her mortgage reduced? Thank you for you time.” 

-- B.

Dear B.,

I’m very sorry to hear about your father’s death. The death of a loved one is difficult enough, and financial difficulty definitely adds to the stress. 

I applaud you for trying to help your mother. I think it would be well served to pursue any avenue possible to help her. I can’t be definitive about a service connected illness, but again I think you should ask questions. 

Here is a list of resources for you to contact. Contact Air Force Aid, their number is 800-769-8951. Their primary mission is to serve Active Duty, but you should contact them for links to possible resources that assist widows. I know they would appreciate your phone call and would be glad to help point you in the right directions. Also, contact the Department of Veteran Affairs at 800-827-1000 and you can also visit their website www.va.gov. They have accessible links for beneficiaries. I’m sure these resources could provide information regarding her finances, reduced mortgage etc. Stay in touch and let me know what you discover, it will be helpful to other readers.