Ms. Vicki, 

"I’m a 28-year-old single mother of two small children and I live in St. Louis. I have a 1-year-old son, and a daughter from a previous relationship. I have been in a relationship with the father of my son since April 2007. The father is a 30 years old Navy man, and he’s stationed in Japan. He has been there for a little over a year, and has one more year to go. When he comes back to the U.S. he’ll probably be stationed in Virginia Beach, Va. 

Earlier this year we talked about moving in together and I was onboard, but that was before he said he wasn't sure about marriage. He’s even told his family that I’m the one. We talked about dates and what we wanted the wedding to be like. He said he had to get a guest list together and a budget. But, his brother passed away in May and now he told me he’s scared and doesn't know what he’s getting himself into. 

He wants us to move with him when he gets back so we can get to know each other better. I don't want to uproot my life and my daughter's life since that is not her biological father for something that he’s not sure about. I love him and I believe he loves me. Should I go with him or should I stay? Or should I end it all together. We’ve been together for more than two years and he still doesn't know what he wants from this relationship."  

Sincerely, Wanting to be Married to the Man of My Dreams

Dear Man of My Dreams, 

Here’s some quick advice: Don’t move to Virginia Beach. I think it will be a big mistake. Beyonce’ says it best: “if you like it then you should’ve put a ring on it.” Well, he should do this and more, i.e. take your hand in marriage and say I do. 

This is what you deserve and you shouldn’t accept anything less. I see this mistake from women all of the time. They move in with a guy and he becomes complacent with the situation. As a result he never marries them. It becomes one excuse after another. In my opinion, he’s asking you to do something that you do only for a spouse — not for a boyfriend who is unsure about the relationship. At this point, you can expect anything from him, because he isn’t ready to seal the deal. Bottom line, you have two children who deserve parents who are sure and committed to their relationship. I’m not saying you should break off the relationship. To the contrary I think you both have much time to continue to know each other, seek premarital counseling and see what happens long distance first. Set some boundaries with him now. Don’t feel like you have to accept anything and anyone just because you have two children, even if you have a son with him. Conversely, children are a big reason to raise your expectations even higher. I regret if I sound too preachy, but please know that I care about you and your children. Keep in touch with me and let me know what you decide. 

Hey There Ms. Vicki,  

"I don't necessarily have a military question. I noticed on your bio that you’re in the social work field. I'm currently working on a Social Worker Assistant degree and was hoping you may have some ideas as to where I could do an internship. I'm totally lost.  Were new to the area, which is Marblehead, Ohio, so I don't much around me. My husband is in the Coast Guard and stationed in Marblehead and we’re both Navy Veterans.  I was just wondering if you could throw some ideas at me."  

Lost and confused!

Please don’t feel lost or confused. Seeking higher education is a big deal, so my hats off to you. Does your school offer assistance with internship placements? If so I would definitely start with them first. If not then try volunteering/interning on base in the social work services department or the fleet and family services. Additionally, the check the Red Cross. They’re usually looking for good people who plan to further their education in social work and social welfare. 

You may not have many options available to you at the moment, but don’t get disheartened. I would definitely advise you to continue on a social work educational track. A BSW and then and MSW is key. Both degrees will lead to immediate licensure. My bachelor’s is in sociology/psychology and I have a master’s in social work. I’m currently continuing my education at this time. I wish I could help you further, but please keep in touch and let me know how you’re doing. I wish you well. 

Dear Ms. Vicki, 

"Do you know about the Career Advancement Account (CAA) account?  This summer I PCS'd from Camp Pendleton to Camp Lejeune. Over the last two years I kept getting postcards in the mail from MilitaryOneSource about the CAA account.  

When I decided to return to school, I gave them a call.  After some questions, it was determined that I would qualify. The first step would be to attend an orientation on Camp Pendleton. While there, I was told that I don't qualify because I already have a bachelor's degree.  

I was told that this was a regulation from the Department of Labor and out of the jurisdiction of Camp Pendleton.  So I have been paying on my own for school. 

I’m now attending college near Camp Lejeune and met other military spouses who have advanced degrees and receive money from the CAA account. 

Please let me know what the deal is with this."